Journal entry from 1/18

NOTE: please let me know if any part of this needs to be changed to reflect correct speech. I am happy to modify anything, and to learn. This is just an entry from my journal from around this time last week & I wanted to share because 1) catharsis and 2) I still feel this way, except it’s not in the future, it’s really happening.

A VERY LARGE ANGRY ORANGE will be sitting in the Oval Office in 2 days.

And I’m scared (like many) that with his Congress full of CEOs, his pockets full of illicit dollars, and his swamp full of alligators, he is going to strip away our rights one day (if there are any to strip) —

our clothing the next day (if there are any to take) —

and finally, our skin (if there is any left), with which he will create a necromancer skinsuit. Then, he will be powerful enough to take the final step of destroying the bodies which remain.

I imagine families sitting at the dinner table in Chile after Pinochet seized the Moneda Palace (or in Argentina under Videla), talking.

“He’s going to be good for the economy,” they say, assuaging each others’ fears. “We need change, we need order, we need nationalism. A military leader will shape our country into what it needs to be.” Meanwhile, next door, an 18-year old is being disappeared for uttering revolutionary words and his body is dumped into a mass grave which to this day has not been found.

I imagine my conservative relatives — who somewhere inside feel a twinge of guilt for voting for the orange.

“But, it’s not bad.

He’s a good businessman. 
You’re overreacting.

He promised to end the murder of babies —

to replace fetuses with dead black bodies
dead indigenous bodies
dead Mexican bodies
and dead women’s bodies.

The God of Death will be appeased one way or another, and the river of blood will never arrive at my doorstep.” 
(This is how they relieve their consciences.)

And I’m afraid. I’m afraid. I’m afraid. 
I’m terrified, because faith in the institution

is unfounded.

The system of checks and balances

is undone.

You keep saying “he can’t do that” but I’m afraid he will.

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