Choose wisely your influences
Not only people affect how you think, feel and act…
Have you ever heard something between the lines “You are the average of the 5 people you surround yourself with the most.”
Well, I will take one step further to say that not even people affect your behaviour but everything that you allow in your field of information/connection. That meaning movies, series, classes, books, language (violent/non-violent), family members, attitudes, pictures, beliefs, etc.
One big example in my life is about manhood and the fact that I was introduced from an early age (like most of us do) to a kind of masculine energy that is rather more unhealthy than vitaly healthy. I don`t mean my dad was an alchoolic or that he beated my mom or anything like that, but the passive-agressive, intrusive, authoritary and suppresive kind of masculine energy that I was introduced with school “friends”, movies, family members and overall society.
I was surrounded not by only 5 people with similar views of the world, but by a number of other influences, with many different levels of impact — but that overall together creates a big one.
And one thing that really helped me have a much more healthy, integral, truthful, loyal and valuable view of masculinity was the books, videos, articles and other sources of information that I`ve chosen to surround myself with.
In particular, Elliott Hulse videos was a huge influence during my teenagerhood (from early 14). The guy did not talk about controling, sexist jokes, acchieving money and power or suppressing our feelings. But rather the complete opposite.
His way of mixing strength training, physical health and release of emotions; philosophy, dreaming big, understaning our conditioning; masculine and feminine energies, the yielding and taking action, the full expression of our most true selves; and most and foremost, presence, integridy, stillness, corevalues and his ability to challenge how I showed up in the world.
All of that was… I don`t have words to describle how important that was for me and my positive influence of manhood (masculine energy).
No, I wasn`t physically surrounded by him, by he was on my screen, through my eyes, ears and senses every single day, for hours.
He isn`t perfect neither and nowadays I do not feel very attracted to his kind of energy, but I won`t ever deny the impact his integrity reverberated in mine.
And the whole point of chosing our influences is also to learn to let go of what does not serve us anymore at your particular level of our growth and surround ourselves more with the NEW and more transformative influence, that next level shit that we know our soul needs to hear and feel.
All that you accept in your field of influences, no matter how “small” and harmless it may seem is HUGE to create a snow ball effect from different levels of energy in your body. The offensive jokes, the immature movies, the abusive way of talking, the unhealthy authoritary people… All of that is slowly being stored in your unconscious mind, right there deep inside your being, just waiting to be fed more and more until it comes to a point that it is ALL you see, all you know, all you are attached to. It can become part of your personality, of who you think you are.
So look after what you surround yourself with. It is more important than you imagine. Think about your external influences being exactly what you want to become more of in yourself, in your internal world, into who you are.
And for all the rest of the world, the negative and that which goes against your core values, you ALWAYS have 3 choices:
- To accept and be with it.
- To leave the situation.
- To challenge the situation for a change.
No matter what you choose, first and foremost you always have complete responsability of how you respond to these situations. If you can`t deal with your reactive emotions and triggers in order to healthy handle those negative energies it will probably create more harm than good. But a clue here is, get rid off blaming, shaming and guilting others and yourself; and at any point where you feel these emotional constructions coming to surfice, deal with yourself first before handling the situation.