The Morning After Thrones: This was… fine? — S07E06

They’ve gone and done it. They’ve finally gone and done it. They’ve finally pulled off seamlessly what people have been predicting for years. They’ve made dragons boring. I am one of the biggest critics of Game of Thrones’ reliance on Draconis Ex Machina. Since season 2, most of Daenerys’ troubles are fixed “because dragons.” It’s cheap, it’s boring, but it looks pretty. And boy does last Sunday’s episode of Game of Thrones look pretty.
Look, obviously the episode isn’t an episode of The Big Bang Theory, but it kinda plays like it. The first half of the episode plays as nudge-nudge moments where characters remind each other (and the audience) the relationships between them. The entire first half of Jon’s jolly Northern excursion plays very much like this, with Jon sharing a moment with Jorah, Tormund one with The Hound, and Gendry “making peace” with Thoros and Beric Dondarrion. (Anyone want to mention how much Richard Dormer looks like national treasure George Saunders in this episode? Was expecting Beric to start telling a story about a down-on-his-luck guy named Bud who works at a run-down theme park in Braavos)


Oh, and we also got a 101 on White Walker/wight killing. If you kill the mini-bosses, the grunts die. And then you gotta kill the big bad boss to fix everything. This feels very videogame-y.
This hourlong slog bothered me because, like most episodes this season, it favors plot over anything else. We need Jon to meet Dany, so let’s send him to Dragonstone. We need a set piece in the North, so let’s send Jon back up north. We need conflict in Winterfell, so let’s pit the Stark sisters against each other. In fact, let’s completely ignore the fact that Sansa mentioned she doesn’t trust Littlefinger a few weeks ago and have her run desperately to him in this episode. I keep hoping there is something more to this particular plot line, but the whole show is starting to look more like that big map of Cersei’s that we saw in the first episode. The writers move little pieces around like they’re playing Dungeons & Dragons (WRONG. PLAYING IT WRONG BECAUSE YOU CAN HAVE SOME GREAT STORIES WHEN YOU PLAY D&D), and they check off the box of what the fans/critics/higher-ups at HBO asked for.
I won’t say I didn’t feel scared for the characters beyond the Wall in the first half of the battle, but when the draconis ex machina of the week happened, all my hopes for a truly amazing episode were squashed. The penultimate episodes of every Game of Thrones season are often the place for the biggest, most dramatic set piece. In episode 9, we see the death of Ned Stark. In 18, the Battle of the Blackfire. In episode 27, the Red Wedding. Even last season, we saw The Battle of the Bastards. The desire to have every episode of this season feature a great set piece meant this episode felt underwhelming. While the concept of the frozen lake was amazing, the fact that there was no emotional weight to it all, that we know that every character we care about will not die, makes the episode pale in comparison to the rest of the series.
Wouldn’t the episode be better if Jon’s sacrifice resulted in him waking up the hurt/dead dragon at the bottom of the lake? Or even in him turning full ice and fire? A Targaryen White Walker. It would have been infuriating, but at least it would’ve elicited an emotional reaction bigger than, of course he’s alive. He’s Jon Snow. Or if the Night’s King killed Drogon instead of Viserion/Rhaegal (Really, tell me which one he killed without Googling.) Now, we have an ice dragon we predicted. Cool. Maybe it’ll tear down the Wall. That’ll look pretty. Will we care? I don’t know.
Here’s to hoping the writers will actually surprise us next week. They have 79 minutes to do so.
OTHER THOUGHTS
- Jon got a boner when he was talking to Dany, and that’s why she felt awkward and had to go.
- God, that last scene between Jon and Daenerys was SO BAD.
- Next week’s episode is called “The Dragon and the Wolf.” Could this spell the end of the Lannister family?
- The Hound and Tormund need their own sitcom.
- How long do you think it took Missandei to sew Daenerys’ winter coat? Or do you think the Unsullied made it?
- The talk of Dany’s successor is interesting. She gone die or they’re gonna establish a democracy in Westeros.
- I actually have very little complaints about the absurd passage of time that has taken over the show now. There’s a reason we don’t see how long it took Gendry to get to the Wall. It’s because it’s boring. It’s the same reason we don’t see characters in the toilet unless it matters. (I’m looking at you Tywin)
