Pseudocide

I was the number one story on the news today, just like the good old days. My face was on every channel, even the ones that don’t normally show news. I wanted to have a look at the papers too but I couldn’t leave the house in case I was seen.

I wasn’t expecting a reaction like this. I was hoping for a mention in the ‘people we’ve lost this year’ section at one or two of the smaller awards, but never anything this mainstream. Channel 9 announced they were running an hour long special interviewing loads of my oldest friends, and Channel 4 was going to run a season showing all my best performances. It was surprising, but incredibly flattering.

I bet there are loads of kids watching the news and wandering who the hell that guy on the TV is. There will be kids in Uni now who weren’t even born when I made my last film. 27 years I’ve been out of the spotlight, and finally I’m centre stage again. They’ll all know me now, and they’ll go watch all my old films, and I’ll be adored again. A new generation of people who will all laugh and cry and feel more connected to the world because of me.

I’ve felt so disconnected for so long. I used to make a difference, and for 27 years I’ve had zero impact on the world. It’s so much harder to go back to the bottom when you’ve had such high heights as I had. When you’ve had thousands of fans waiting to tell you how much you mean to them, it’s depressing walking to the shops unnoticed.

That’s why I did it, I wanted people to feel connected to me again. Or maybe connected through me, I’m not quite sure. I wanted to play a role in the way someone saw the world, and help them make sense of it all. I used to have people in tears all the time, telling me how they discovered themselves through my movies, and it rips me apart to become part of the wallpaper now.

I had to make a change, so I faked it. I just wanted to see if anyone would care. And wow, did they care. More than I could have possibly imagined. It’s so touching, seeing all of my fans reminiscing and sharing their favourite moments in my career. To see people crying about me once again.

So that’s why I have to say goodbye. Properly this time. The first time round was a joke as much as anything, but it’s been a real eye opener. I’ve realised that the best way I can add to the world now is by removing myself from it, and leaving my legacy to speak for itself.

Remember me.

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