I often recall my childhood with fondness, not just mere nostalgia. The purity of those memories imbues fondness in my heart. In remembering, I think of the friends I once held dear and the difficulty of maintaining these relationships today.
The internet has gifted us with ever-present virtual access to people’s lives. Indeed, we see, but we are not there. Indeed, we are touching the grass on our sides; likewise, they too. How do you stay connected when you do not know the feel of the grass they touch?
It is no small feat to be a good friend — be present and show support through difficulties. We all have friends we grew up with, and as the years pass we find ourselves in separate parts of the world. The images we retain of our friends remain unblemished, embellishing them with today’s reality is arduous. Yes, we remember who they used to be and not who they are today.
Showing Up
Some time ago, I realised showing up for the people you hold dear is the best way to prove your love for them. How do you show up? Be there, remember birthdays, celebrate milestones, and acknowledge their growth. Yet we’re often so caught up in navigating our lives that these actions become an afterthought.
For some, showing up connotes a distinct sphere. They might not be there to celebrate your child’s birthday party, but they will appear like Superman when you’re in a fix. I wonder what kind of friend I would be when I grow older. I try to be a better friend and tend to feel dissatisfied when I can’t afford gifts for my friends celebrating milestones.
Living in Nigeria as a young individual is daunting because you have to outrun the country’s inflation. Hence, it’s sour when you can’t offer a financial hand to friends. Nonetheless, friendship goes beyond mere financial incentives. Oftentimes, people appreciate it if you’re thinking of them. It’s why elders appreciate phone calls because loneliness can hit us in our quest for survival.
Maintaining friendships across virtual realms is an arduous feat. You worry about the events and milestones you miss and wonder if your relationship still defies the storm. Moreover, you worry if the wind of distance will douse the fire already lit. However, we must do our parts. I cannot understate the efficacy of a phone call in spreading warmth. The incipient good lies in hearing a voice thousands of miles away, reminding us that we aren’t lost at sea.
Remember that life is a journey
Showing up in relationships is the first step; your arms are open with your heart on your sleeves. Yet, your efforts could be rebuffed. So, if you are left hanging, remember that we are all passengers in each person’s odyssey. There are moments when we must alight at stops even if we want to persist in journeying but we must let them continue. On occasion, we find someone new whose jaunt entwines with ours, and we enjoy the scenery with them. Moreso, if our bonds deepen, we never leave, despite the threat of time wearing off our dovetailed union.
A benefit of being a good friend, brother, son, and lover is ceasing to worry about unanswered replies from the people dearest to me because my actions and presence deem me deserving of their love. It is of utmost importance that we do not take love for granted, and on rainy days, we give even more than we receive and remain ebullient. This tenet will act as a guide on being a good friend and deserving good friendships.
