This Is Why I Can’t Share “Feminist Shit” on Facebook

Today I wrote a Facebook past.
I edited it five times and tried to get the tone right.
I added an emoji at the end to show that it was light-hearted. I tried to make it softer.
I refreshed the page a few times, even though you don’t need to on Facebook. I looked at another browser, felt anxious, and went back to see if there were any comments or reactions.
I repeated this process for 15 minutes.
Then, after no engagement, I felt nervous and deleted it.
This was the post.
“Brigitte Macron’s body language is everyone who has ever tried to slowly back away from a creepy dude. :)”
It include a link to this video.
As soon as I saw this video, I knew it was something I wanted to share.
I thought it so perfectly captured what it’s like to be a woman standing with powerful men… what it’s like to be a woman standing with men… what it’s like to be a woman.
I watched it a few more times and the feeling I had intensified. I knew the message in this video was obvious.
That women, even in a situation with the most respected, accomplished, powerful, leading people in the world, can be minimized to a shell, reduced to a form to be admired or criticized.
You could even literally see this in the video.
As Trump looks at Brigitte’s body, she raises her arms to cover herself, she slightly cowers, takes a step beside Melania, and moves away from Trump and the attention pointed at her body.
She physically shrinks away.
How could anyone watch it and not see that?
It seemed so obvious to me.
But once I posted it, I had second thoughts.
I watched it a few more times and imagined what a critic of my post might say.
What? You can’t compliment woman anymore?
Why would she wear a dress like that if she didn’t want people to notice her body?
She barely flinched.
It’s not a big deal.
Stop being so sensitive.
Stop being so dramatic.
Stop being such a feminist.
I watched it again with those thoughts in my head. And I wondered, if I post this, will people call me a whiny, disagreeable feminist?
I deleted my post.
Because I thought, if I am a contentious female who points out the absurdity and bawdiness of this video, what will people say about me? How will I come across?
Will people think I’m feminist?
Because here’s what I know.
Most people don’t like feminists.
So much so that I don’t even want to use the word in this essay because I feel that it’s inclusion in a sentence diminishes the value of what I’m saying.
I know that when people see that word, they shut down, turn off, tell themselves “this isn’t for me.” It’s liberal, progressive, man-hating garbage.
Check yourself.
What are you thinking right now? Are you getting ready to click away?
I hope you don’t. But, I’m sure you won’t be alone if you do.
Feminist.
There it is. That dirty word.
But really, I don’t know where the word feminist got such a bad wrap.
It literally means, “a person who supports equality between the sexes.”
Seems like a pretty good word to me.
But, we’ve let it take on meanings that aren’t there. We’ve let it become synonymous with pro-female or man hater.
One Urban Dictionary excerpt even calls a feminist an “ugly and/or emotionally inept woman who feels that the problems in her life are caused by her gender rather than her own incompetence and sloth.”
Seriously?
Seriously.
The definition “a person who supports equality between the sexes” got turned into “ugly and/or emotionally inept woman who feels that the problems in her life are caused by her gender rather than her own incompetence and sloth.”
Let that sink in.
Now, take a minute to think about your definition of feminist.
Is it the first version? The latter? Somewhere in the middle?
And, why do you feel that way?
What life experiences have led you to your definition?
Because what it boils down to is our experiences, our knowledge, our truth.
And my experience, my knowledge, my truth…
The way that Trump diminished Brigitte’s presence… I’ve been there.
I’ve been in a situation where I’ve been proud and strong and equal, then had a man look me up and down and put me back in my place.
I could recognize the subtle nuances of Brigitte’s movements because I’ve done them.
I’ve felt what’s like to want to shrink back and disappear so you can avoid the weight of a stare that looks at you like only your body is there. The physical pressure of a heavy glance that makes you feel small and insignificant and trivial.
Then, I’ve also had the embarrassment of explaining that moment to someone and having them laugh and tell me it’s no big deal.
Which is what this essay is about.
The reason I connected with that video is the same reason why I didn’t share the video.
It sucks to be strive to be seen as an equal then have it stomped on.
It sucks to be reasonable and be told you are being biased.
It sucks to be a person who “supports equality between the sexes” and be called a “ugly and/or emotionally inept woman.”
So why would I share my view on that video? Why would I expose myself to the negativity and the criticism? Put myself in a position that resembles Brigitte’s?
Why give myself a reason to have to recoil and shrink?
So I deleted it.
Because that’s exactly what I’ve been taught to do.
I’ve been taught that I shouldn’t step up because if I do, I’ll be pushed back down.
Gawked at.
Laughed at.
Belittled again.
And by now, I hope you can understand why we have a problem… and this blog.
