What is Trust? (part 2)
Hello reader :) At the end of 2015 I decided to write a book on Trust and by the start of 2016 I had finished and uploaded it onto Amazon. I had plans of promoting and pushing the book but, if I’m honest to myself, I was actually scared that people would actually read the book and, through this book, give a glimpse of who I truly was so I distracted myself with “more important things to do”.
With a year now gone, I’ve finally decided to Trust and simply publish the whole book on Medium.
The book is best understood when read in order since the book builds on top of concepts and definitions used in earlier chapters. So if you’re jumping in the middle, I’d recommend going and starting from the start so there is no confusion. As well, there are activities so that you can explore not only the intellectual side of Trust but the emotional side as well. Like confidence, it only becomes real if you feel it inside you.
Activity 3: Take out your journal and a countdown clock. Give yourself a countdown time of three minutes. When you are ready, start the clock and make a list of everything you Trust within the given time frame.
What is interesting to observe are the things that quickly came to you when making your list and if it was easy for you to keep adding to the list, or not, after the first, second and third minute. You can also draw conclusions on how Trusting you are and how conscious you are of the role that Trust plays in your everyday life by the items you put on your list.
When we start talking about Trust, we are usually inclined to focus on the things that are difficult for us to Trust (like a new boyfriend or girlfriend), the betrayals of Trust that we have experienced, or the people and things we automatically DO NOT Trust. Another direction we might take is to talk about the Choices of Trust that we had to think about or about the people or things that have earned our Trust.
For most of us, we believe that there are a small finite number of things that we Trust and some of us can count the number of things that we Trust with our fingers.
Well, actually, we Trust Almost EVERYTHING.
That is why we notice the things we Mistrust or the things we have to make a Choice on Trusting because they are in such high contrast to all the things we Trust automatically and subconsciously.
For example, when we sit down, we are Trusting that the chair will support our weight. When we get into a taxi or bus, we are Trusting that the driver will reliably get us to our destination. When we start our car, we are Trusting that it will not blow up on us. And when we get onto the freeway, we are Trusting that everyone else around us are Trustworthy drivers.
We can take this principle down to the level of our everyday lives, as in the use of a pen, or up to the level of the Universe, as in tomorrow will be another day. Everything that we use or interact with, directly or indirectly, has embedded in it a Choice to Trust or to Not Trust, which we mostly take for granted. That is why, for us in the Western world, we are surprised when there is no electricity or running water in the house because we automatically Trust the fact that there WILL BE electricity or water in the house when we need it. It is jarring for us when that Trust is betrayed.
We Trust Almost Everything automatically and subconsciously and That Is Exactly As It Should Be.
Imagine if we had to consciously choose whether to Trust or to Not Trust everything we did. It would take us hours just to get out of the house let alone get anywhere once we got outside and that is if we actually Chose to Trust the majority of the time. Now imagine if we did Not Trust anything at all, we would have to carry a backup to the backup to the backup to the backup……..to the pen we have in our backpack. So what is the point? There are two important things to note here.
First, the act of Trust is completely embedded into our lives and the majority of our Choices to Trust is automatically done by the Subconscious.
Just to be clear. Do we need to take conscious control over all our choices to Trust? Absolutely NOT! The Subconscious is there for a reason and one of them is to make these automatic Choices for us so that we can actually enjoy Life. What we need to do is do a Conscious check on why our Subconscious is making these automatic Choices to Trust and to Not Trust and see if these Choices are counter to our Happiness or not. If the Choice to Trust or to Not Trust is counter to our Happiness then we need to train our Subconscious until it learns to make the Choices we want it to make.
Second, for those who believe that they cannot Trust or find the ability to Trust difficult for them, this belief is absolutely, positively a BIG FAT LIE. We all have the ability to Trust and we do it all the time. Just the simple act of reading this far into this book is an act of Trust. So resist this LIE that we tell ourselves or that someone tells us, IT IS NOT TRUE. To Trust or to Not Trust is always an ability we have. ALWAYS!
What is Trust
Activity 4: Take out your journal and a countdown clock. Give yourself a countdown time of five minutes. When you are ready, start the clock and answer this question — What is the Feeling of Trust
If it was difficult for you to answer this question, do not worry. That is normal. But it is important to know what it feels to Trust. With the feeling we will always be able to tell if we mean it or not.
What is the feeling of Trust? For most of us, we will say that we know it when it is there and when it is not. Pressed on, we will usually describe the feeling in a vague kind of way or try to contrast it with the feelings we have when we Mistrust. Pressed further, we will start giving the reasons for why we Trust someone or something but not the feeling of it.
Most of us have not thought about it or considered that there is a feeling associated with Trust. But most of us have felt the feeling of Mistrust so logically there must be a corresponding feeling for Trust. So what is the feeling of Trust?
The best place to start looking for the Feeling of Trust is where we take our Trust for granted; Relationships of Trust handled by our Subconscious. In these relationships we have zero doubt about our placed dependency on who or what we are giving our Trust to.
One excellent example is the simple act of us sitting down on a chair. Have you ever seen someone miss a chair or somebody play a trick on someone by taking away their chair at the last moment? By the time the person realizes that their chair is not there, it is usually too late for them to do anything about it. Why? Because they Trust that the chair will be there to support them
Activity 5: Stand up and go around sitting down in various places. Sit down on a couch, desk chair, bench, toilet, etc. Try to pay attention to the body mechanics of what it means to sit down, you can try to feel the Feeling of Trust but focus more on what your body is doing and what you are allowing your body to do.
Sitting down is one of the purest acts of Trust. We deliver ourselves 100% into the hands (or in this case the seat) of the chair.
If we go out and observe people sitting down, we will see that there are so many subconscious things we do to confirm the Trustworthiness of the chair we are about to sit on. The quick overall scan of the eyes, the touch of the chair or table, the quick visual check of the floor; each one of us have developed our own subconscious ritual to decide whether the chair we have selected is worthy of our Trust or not. If it does not pass, we go into a secondary ritual or consciously confirm its Trustworthiness. But when we give it our Trust, it is typically automatic and subconscious.
So what is happening when we take a seat that we Trust? And why is it too late for us to do anything other than fall flat on the floor when that Trust is betrayed? When we are in the act of sitting down, there is a moment just before we touch the chair and just after we have stopped supporting ourselves where we are in free-fall; we are utterly Trusting that that chair is going to catch us.
Another great example is the Trust Fall. There are different variations of it but I will describe only one. It is where we stand with our arms crossed over our chest and another person or group of people are behind us ready to catch our fall. Without looking back or trying to break our fall in any way, we allow ourselves to free-fall backwards, Trusting that the person or group will catch us before we hit the ground.
Activity 6: In this activity you will imagine that you are the person in the Trust Fall that is falling backwards but instead of your arms crossed they are outstretched like you are waiting for a big hug.
Now find a nice, quiet and comfortable place where you will not be disturbed. Then sit or lay down, close your eyes, focus on slowing down your breath (in through the nose and out through the mouth) and tell each part of your body to relax. Once your body and your mind is relaxed, imagine yourself standing and then letting yourself fall backwards onto the softest bed you can imagine (I imagine a soft bed of clouds, personally).
When you are falling, tell yourself mentally to Trust. Deliver yourself completely to the bed that is going to catch you. Start with you standing on the floor and every time you successfully fall and land in this soft bed, imagine doing it again but putting yourself higher and higher off the ground each time; like you are standing on the edge of a cliff falling backwards. As you get higher and higher off the ground and the more you Trust that soft bed waiting for you, try to feel the Feeling of Trust.
For those of you having difficulty relaxing. Focus on your breath (in through the nose and out through the mouth). Try to feel or imagine your breath slowly going into your nose, down your throat, into your lungs and out again. Every time you exhale, allow your body to become heavy. Remember, you are trying to relax so do not beat yourself up. If you cannot relax just smile at yourself and relax. I recommend doing this exercise until you really get the full sense of what Trust feels like and be able to reproduce it without having to meditate on it.
So what is this feeling? It is a 5 letter word and starts with a “P” (P_ _ _ _).
5 letter word that starts with a “P” and ends with an “E” (P_ _ _E).
5 letter word that starts with a “P”, second letter “E” and ends with an “E” (PE_ _E).
So what is Trust? We can say that Trust is a Relationship, Trust is a Choice or Trust is a Dependency but what is the essence of Trust? What is it that makes us feel? What is Trust? Trust is PEACE.