How Doing Psychedelics In Social Situations Has Improved My Life [Short Version Draft, 0.9]

*IMPORTANT NOTE: This is the short summary version of another post. The long version (here) has more details on scientific explanations, doses, and anecdotes. The short version is written in bullet points as a quick FAQ.*

What have you done and why are you writing this?

I’ve used Ecstasy, LSD, magic mushrooms, and Ayahuasca in a wide variety of doses and circumstances, from tech conferences and birthday parties to speaking engagements and business calls.

My goal with this post is to inspire everyone who uses psychedelics to feel comfortable talking about their experience publicly.

Research suggests that up to 1/10th of Americans have used psychedelics; many (many) respected people in our society have life-changing experiences with psychedelics and I hope an open conversation can de-stigmatize their use, especially for therapeutic counseling.

I have loved ones who have suffered considerably from debilitating mental health issues and I am beyond frustrated that one of the most effective treatments known in modern medical science is still illegal.

Very succinctly, how do you describe the way psychedelics changed your conversations?

I was educated in the world of politicians and lawyers. It’s a hyper-alpha culture that celebrates intellectual prowess. Prior to psychedelics, I used to think my value in conversation was in how smart, independent and successful people thought I was. I manipulated conversations to talk about my accomplishments, to name drop, or to forcefully inject some witty comment.

On psychedelics, I became much more emotionally animated: I oozed vulnerability, curiosity, and gratitude. To my absolute shock, good things started happening, both personally and professionally. My dating life had improved, I was getting paid more often to do work I really enjoyed and I developed some new close friendship; all of this was somehow related to my newfound ability to listen more intently and express my feelings more constructively.

Got any examples of how psychedelics are actually helpful?

Sure! I can give two real quick examples in this summary and more in the longer version.

First, I did Ecstasy at a reunion of school classmates and, quite unexpectedly, it permanently undid emotional scars from years of bullying as a kid and mended my old relationships.

Second, I took LSD at a tech conference and it completely changed my behavior. Rather than being my typical “networker” self, who bragged about his accomplishments and sought shallow transactional relationships, I unexpectedly became insatiably curious in conversation about the problems people were working on. In the end, being less selfish and more curious directly led to one of the largest business deals I’ve ever secured, which came from a complete stranger who happened upon a group that had formed to listen in on a conversation I was having.

Learn any lessons about how to interact with people differently?

A bunch! Here they are some:

1. Vulnerability works wonders for business networking. Now, even when I’m doing well professionally, I’m a lot more honest about my anxieties and fears. People really open up when they don’t have to pretend to be more successful than they are.
2. A really good compliment takes a few minutes to give. I used to give short, formulaic compliments. But now, especially when I’m on MDMA, I really think about why someone is unique and appreciated among their friends. Sometimes, I’ll spend 15 or so minutes in the morning Facebooking friends a paragraph or two on why I think they’re great.
3. Neediness can be wonderful, especially in romantic relationships. I used to play games with my partners about how busy or independent I was, so I wouldn’t seem desperate. But now, especially on magic mushrooms, I’m a lot more honest about my feelings of loneliness and how often I’d like to see someone — it’s worked out great for my love life.
4. LSD taught me that personal talk is overrated in business. If you enjoy your work, people can connect every bit as deeply solving problems together — without having to pretend they have hobbies in common. The first time I did LSD for a conference call, I skipped the pleasantries, and jumped straight to business, explaining about why I was excited to talk.
5. LSD taught me that curiosity is a great way to listen. I try to really “feel” curious about a topic someone is telling me about and treat it with as much passion and complexity as my own challenges.
6. Likewise, Ayahuasca taught me that the act of imagination is a great way to listen, too. When someone is telling me about a personal ordeal or a new business idea, I imagine myself in their shoes or what the world would look like if their business was super successful. I take a deep breath and let my mind visualize as someone talks to me.
7. Especially on magic mushrooms, I replace analytic adjectives with emotional adjectives: I don’t just find an opinion article “interesting”, I find it “courageous”. I don’t describe a timid business colleague as “careful,” he’s “fearful”. It humanizes people and makes conversation so much more engaging.
8. On MDMA, I noticed the frequency of feedback within a conversation increases. After almost every sentence, I let someone know what I think about what they said. Even if its critical, frequent feedback puts people at ease and they seem more comfortable going deeper.

Generally speaking, how do you explain why psychedelics helped you?

Psychedelics have helped me listen much better than I ever thought possible and the result has been deeper relationships in business, friendship and romance.

I never appreciated just how many of my problems in life stemmed from the fact that I was a terrible listener. I shut myself off from exploring anything that didn’t seem instantly pleasant or useful. Psychedelics, through sheer chemical brute force, delay my hypercritical inner voice; otherwise boring or unpleasant conversations became treasure troves of insight.

That is, while many use psychedelics for mystical or recreational experiences, I’ve found them incredibly helpful when used in normal social situations.

Do you worry about negative side effects, like bad trips, addiction or neurological damage? Aren’t you skeptical that all the benefits you’re seeing from psychedelics are purely coincidental?

I used to worry about every imaginable negative side effect, but not anymore. Now, I welcome challenging (“bad”) trips as a way to deal with issues holding me back. Psychedelics are far too intense and challenging for me to want to do them as an escape — it’s more like work than recreation. Finally, after thoroughly reviewing the medical literature, the only drug I worry about for long term damage is MDMA — and only when frequently used.

More to the point, I’ve been a pretty straight-laced person most of my life; I didn’t smoke pot until college and didn’t use any other drug until much later in life. I don’t drink alcohol, I exercise 6 days a week, follow a relatively strict paleo diet, meditate daily, and I’ve never done any drug that I thought would harm my brain (such as cocaine).

I also hold a Master’s degree in Mathematical Behavioral Science and focused my graduate training on the study of determining causality in social settings.

So, about 5 years ago, I combined my love of meticulous social science and healthy living as a semi-professional autobiographical health journalist, experimenting with and writing about various frontier ideas in diet, exercise and optimal performance. I embraced controversial health strategies that had just barely enough scientific evidence to be potentially beneficial.

I was (very) skeptical about all of the claims about psychedelics. In truth, it’s because I secretly looked down on anyone who saw a therapist or had issues controlling their emotions. I viewed it as a sign of weakness.

I took detailed notes of dozens of psychedelic trips and how it changed the way I conversed with others. Not only are psychedelics one of the only frontier health ideas that ever truly changed my life, but they gave me a newfound respect for prioritizing mental health and emotional intelligence.

I’m mindful how silly all of this must sound to a skeptic; I was skeptical myself.

My entire life, I’ve struggled in my friendships, romantic relationships, and my professional career because I had trouble deeply connecting with people.

I could not deny that many turning points in my life in these last years occured when I was on psychedelics (talking to people who did not know I was on them). My journey has been, in some ways, incredibly frustrating, because I didn’t fully understand why I couldn’t just do and say the same things completely sober.

So, for more than a year, I’ve been on a methodical exploration to understand exactly how psychedelics change me so that I will want to take them far less often, if ever again. My journey isn’t over and this will be the first of more work to come.

What’s next for you?

I’m committed to helping people talk about their use. Especially if you work in the tech industry, email me greg @ greg ferenstein [dot] com. I’ll help you compose a blog or (maybe) do an interview with you.

Beyond this, I’m going explore the policy implications of psychedelics and how they can impact issues related to healthcare costs, unemployment and political conflict resolution. I think any ambitious claims about the potential impacts should be made after careful, social scientific research.

Feel free to read the long version (here) and if you like the story, please do share with friends and colleagues.