Few days ago, I came across. #regrettingmotherhood hashtag on Instagram. Only 209 public posts. Obviously, it is not a popular hashtag to get more likes and followers despite the fact that there are several sites where mums are posting about their feelings about motherhood and their regrets anonymously. The number of those anonymous posts are not low. Seems like it is a taboo not to talk about it openly. Moreover, especially in the last decade through social media, child worship became an obsession. Life is wonderful with kids, moms cannot think about a life without the kids, kids are the purpose and meaning of life …you name it.
I truly believe most of moms love their kids and they really mean it. What I do not like is the fact that when a woman expresses herself honestly about their regrets it is suddenly unacceptable. It does not mean that they do not love their children. They simply regret for their motherhood. An issue that needs to be addressed by the society. It is a biggest taboo and you must feel bad about yourself and feel ashamed if you tell anyone you do “indeed” regret for being a mom and parent. Most of the time it is women who is blaming the other women for not being a good mom. Why is so?
There is so much pressure from the society around motherhood. Women are pressured to get a child for almost any cost. If you are approaching to 40s and 45s the pressure is even bigger. I will soon turn 42 and one of the most often question I got is whether I am thinking of getting pregnant and if yes when and how many. The underlying assumption is all women by default should be a mom. If they don’t, there is probably something wrong. The truth is not all women want to be a mom and a parent. Motherhood is probably a great feeling but it is also a hard work. Sleepless nights, a big consideration for your career choices and moreover responsibility for another human-being till the rest of your life.
Lots of women I know of became moms as a way of feeling safer, happier and more successful in life. Very few have chosen to be mom with careful consideration and really understand what it really means. It is something that supposed to happen to you and you just deal with it. Just like you might regret any other decision, you might also regret for your decision to be a mom as well. It is up to you to rationalize your decision afterwards or simply mention that you regret it.
I might very well be a mom in the future yet if I REGRET it, I promise I will let you know.