HOLLYWOOD ON STRIKE!
(or Strike Three. Yer OUT!)
Warning! Rant Alert!
PROCEED WITH CAUTION!
So I understand that Hollywood is calling for an all out, total, going out of business strike until President Elect Donald Trump is removed from office.
As the great philosopher Jerry Seinfeld once noted: “Who ARE these people?” (insert awesome bass guitar riff here)
Let’s look at some of the people that may be affected and possibly out of work because of this shall we?
Actors, CGI creators (much more important than actors lately), directors, writers, producers, grips, camera operators, staffers, sound engineers, stunt people, pyro specialists, graphic designers, editors, product placement managers, personal assistants, artist relations personnel, models, catering companies, set designers, hotels and other businesses near shooting locations, gossip reporters, paparazzi, limo drivers, personal security guards, clothing designers, jewelry designers, make up artists, gold diggers, drug dealers, “advisors” (re: posse), composers and musicians, movie theater staff, valet parking attendants, private tutors, acting coaches, lawyers, bankers, hedge fund managers, off shore banks officers, bail bonds operators, realtors, red carpet installers, botox and plastic surgery staff, movie reviewers, the “E” Network, TMZ, Joe Pesci (NO! NOT JOE PESCI!!!) and that’s just some of who make the movie capital of the world tick.
Just think of the carnage and lost revenue this will create.
IF Trump stays in office full term we will see:
Billions of dollars vanishing. Thousands foreclosing on their two or three mansions. Hundreds of studios, empty. Yachts rusting away. Tragic.
Many living paycheck to paycheck taking selfies with tourists in front of Grauman’s Chinese Theatre.
“I used to be somebody.”
“Why didn’t I move to Canada when I said I would???”
“Hi. I’m Jennifer. I’ll be your Uber driver for today.”
How will we ever survive this disruption in the cosmic universe we know as “Entertainment”?
Is this one of the signs of the Apocalypse?
Will the Kardashians have to get “real jobs”?
How will we cope with this? Will there be “Safe Space Support Centers” popping up throughout the country to deal with this catastrophe?
(NOTE: Perhaps a wise business investment. Just sayin’….)
Are we doomed? Who will save us??
How will it feel not to have our seat back kicked repeatedly or sit next to someone who texts throughout the movie?
Can we recover from our $10.00 popcorn (with extra butter) addiction?
What will we discuss on social media?
Will a hologram of Carrie Fisher win an Oscar? (too soon?)
Will Maria Menounos be comfortable reading real news again?
Will paparazzi have to resort to shooting weddings and yearbook photos?
Will the Hollywood sign be torn down and used to build the border wall?
Will California finally sink into the sea?
WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO THE LITTLE PEOPLE????
Do not despair. Take deep breaths. Everything will be fine. Take my digital hand thru your smartphone and let me hold your digital hand while we offer some alternatives as to what may be a long and painful journey.
Some (but no all) alternatives while Hollywood gets their shit together:
1. Go Outside. (Nature is there for a reason.)
2. Talk to your family (A bold concept for sure)
3. Talk to your friends (With your mouth, not your keyboard)
4. Make new friends (In person. I know, totally unusual)
5. Support local businesses (Please)
6. Support local bands and artisans (Everyone starts somewhere)
7. Watch live local theater (Same as above…)
8. Do your taxes (Millions depend on your money)
9. Have sex! (LOTS of it)
10. Wash your car (Have you seen it lately? Yuk!)
11. Do your homework (Learn the difference between they’re, there and their)
12. Worship (Even if it’s to a rock. Not, “The Rock.” That would be silly…)
13. Tend to your garden (Fun fact: pop tarts don’t grow on trees)
14. Feed the homeless (We are after all, human. Except for Walter. He’s a cyborg)
15. Baseball & live sporting events (Root, root, root for the home team)
16. Offer jobs to those unemployed resulting from the strike (Imagine Tom Cruise doing a “clean up on Aisle 5”)
17. Fall In Love (With yourself and others)
18. Disconnect your cable (One word: KODI)
19. Annoy your politicians (They more than deserve it)
20. Become an Entrepreneur (Start a business. Create an empire. #GaryVee)
21. Decide to live your life as usual without interruption. (Trust me, you won’t miss the next shitty remake or fake romance with the only purpose being to sell you on their latest really bad Rotten Tomatoes review project.)
P.S.: One more. 22. Listen to great music. Buy the latest Metallica and Beth Hart albums. They’re amazing!!
So until that day when the Hollywood elite’s have their way, I bid you a very pleasant Good Afternoon.
Now go live your life.