Importance of Politeness in Society

The essential principles and tips of politeness

Fernando E. C. Sabar
2 min readNov 21, 2023
a visually engaging image of two people engaged in a polite conversation, perhaps over a cup of coffee. Alternatively, an image of diverse individuals sharing a positive moment can symbolize the beauty of embracing differences without judgment.
Photo by nappy: https://www.pexels.com/photo/photo-of-men-having-conversation-935949/

Politeness is a complex and multifaceted phenomenon that involves linguistic and non-linguistic behavior to show respect, consideration, and friendliness to others in various social situations. Politeness can help people to build and maintain interpersonal relationships, avoid or resolve conflicts, and create a positive social atmosphere. Different cultures and contexts may have different norms and expectations of politeness, so it is important to be aware of the potential differences and adapt one’s behavior accordingly.

There are many principles and tips that can serve as a guide for anyone aiming to cultivate and demonstrate politeness in various social situations. Here are some of the most common and useful ones:

  • Use positive politeness strategies to show interest, appreciation, and solidarity with others. For Example, you can use compliments, humor, nicknames, honorifics, and common ground topics to establish rapport and intimacy with others.
  • Use negative politeness strategies to show deference, respect, and distance with others. For Example, you can use hedges, modal verbs, indirect speech acts, and apologies to mitigate the imposition or threat to the face of others.
  • Use appropriate forms of address and greetings to show respect and recognition to others. For Example, you can use titles, surnames, or first names depending on the relationship and status of the interlocutors.
  • Use polite expressions and discourse markers to show courtesy and cooperation with others. For Example, you can use please, thank you, excuse me, sorry, and well to signal your politeness intentions and attitudes.
  • Use non-verbal cues and gestures to reinforce your verbal politeness. For Example, you can use eye contact, smile, nod, bow, or shake hands to convey your sincerity, friendliness, or respect to others.
  • Be attentive and responsive to the feedback and cues of others. For Example, you can use backchannels, acknowledgments, and clarifications to show that you are listening and understanding others.
  • Be flexible and adaptable to the situation and the interlocutors. For Example, you can adjust your language, tone, and style according to the context, purpose, and audience of the interaction.

These are some of the essential principles and tips of politeness that can help you to communicate effectively and appropriately in various social situations. However, politeness is not a fixed or universal phenomenon, but rather a dynamic and context-dependent one. Therefore, it is also important to be observant, curious, and open-minded about the politeness norms and practices of different cultures and communities, and to learn from your own and others’ experiences. Politeness is not only a skill, but also an attitude and a value that can enrich your personal and professional life.

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Fernando E. C. Sabar
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