That Discouraged Feeling

The next step on that damned job search saga.

It happens eventually, maybe not to everyone, but to some at least. All the effort you’re putting in not seeming to come with results. It’s a horrible feeling. For me, at least, all I really want to do is curl up in bed and tell the world to go suck an egg. It’s worse when you’re looking at financial ruin if you don’t find something soon. Ah, desperation, nothing kills energy quite like it.

It becomes even harder to fight the battle against becoming compulsive about things like your email in box. It’s horrible, knowing you’re trying everything within your power and things still aren’t looking at their most promising. It’s more important now more than ever not to give up though. Never give up! There are few things in this life that will haunt you more than giving up on yourself, and that’s exactly what giving up at this point would be.

It sucks when someone you care about has given up on you. They’ll hide it behind practicality, but that’s what it is. They’ll call your own belief in yourself and your ability to find something, anything optimism rather than a belief in yourself. This is when it’s most important to keep on believing in yourself.

It helps if you have a person or two in your corner, believing in you too. I’m lucky enough to have a wonderful boyfriend in my corner who believes in me. Who offers suggestions and support, rather than stressing over things before there’s a clear need. Admittedly, he’s not part of the financial quagmire that could be in the offing, but still. Stressing over things isn’t going to help anyone.

I get that I’m a little odd, I can stress over things and still believe in myself and others. I can be so stressed about things that I become pathological about checking my email or trying to find those new job applications or any number of things, and still find time and ways to have a life, and not be stressed. I know that sounds odd to be stressed and not be stressed, but I can. I can because I learned a long time ago how not to focus on my stress.

That’s an important skill. I had to learn how to redirect my thoughts. It was that or be disabled my them completely and permanently. I didn’t want that. So I take that step, and I keep taking that step, and I will never stop taking that step, because I have no choice but to succeed. There are no other options. Even when deep cleaning a room that desperately needed it and cooking dinner incapped me for a week. Even when I’m desperate and terrified. There is always a way, always an option, and I won’t stop looking until I find it.

Just as important as redirecting your thoughts, is closing out the voices of the people who don’t believe in you. Their voice has nothing to give you, so do your very best to make sure that that voice isn’t your own, or you’ll never get anywhere.

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