Travelling thoughts, mind musings and the story so far…

Good intentions

Fern Urquhart
Sep 22, 2016 · 7 min read

1st of August, I sat on the plane heading for Toronto, I sat there champagne in hand and thought of all the great blog ideas I had, I would write so much while I was travelling, I was going to be inspired by everything I saw (I am) and that would make me write blog after blog (it hasn’t, yet…)

53 (!!!) days later and I’m on my second blog… my intentions were good, my follow through, not so good but in my defence I’ve been pretty preoccupied by, errr, PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING!

Toronto, San Fransisco, Los Angeles and Fiji flew by like nothing I’ve every experienced before. It all actually seems like a dream now that I’m sitting in Sydney. Did any of that actually happen?! Looking back at the photos it feels like I’m looking at someone else’s life. WHOSE LIFE IS THIS. WHO ARE YOU. WHAT ARE YOU DOING.

I was reading some ‘real life glitch-in-the-matrix’ stories the other day (you know, the usual sort of things you do when you’re in Sydney…), and I’m still not entirely convinced that I’m not in some parallel universe living a life that isn’t mine. But hey, I’m not complaining — this life is amaaaazing.

Falling in love with Fiji

Fiji was one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever been to. Sitting up late playing cards with the guys from the village. Music. Dancing. Dark rum & coke. Staying up late listening to interesting homemade remixes. Dark rum & coke. Dark rum & coke. Playing games. Laughing. Loving. Really, truly living. Sunset summit hikes. Endless views of the blue ocean. New friends. Stories of travels, other islands, future plans. Dream like surroundings. It was paradise, and I was so in love. It was like speed dating, I stayed on each island for two nights and just when I was falling in love, I was whisked away to the next island, fell in love and whisked away again.

When the sound of the ocean is your alarm, and the sunrise beaming in through your beach hut shutters is a secondary wake up call, when the sound of wooden sticks being knocked together is your invite for breakfast and when breakfast is freshly made omelettes on request, you can’t help but fall in love with a place, a location and a way of life. I didn’t want to leave but I knew that on the other side of my flight was MY BROTHER!!!!!! and Sydney…

(Oh, about that whole good blog intentions thing… I half wrote a “Speed Dating with the Fiji Islands” blog annnnd I never got round to posting it or even finishing it BUT I did make a veeery homemade video of my time there..If you click on ‘veery homemade video’ it’ll take you there, to the video, not Fiji, unfortunately…)

Sydney stories

When my mum was 21 she bought a one way ticket to Sydney with all the money she had received for her 21st. She sat on the plane listening Golden Brown by The Stranglers.

34 years later I flew from Fiji to Sydney, and listened to the same song. I was completely overwhelmed with emotion. I started crying. This is exactly what my mum did 34 years ago, my mum who is my best friend, my inspiration. She was a year younger than me and she had just bought a one way ticket. I felt her nerves, her excitement and her anticipation. I thought of my nanny sitting at home in Edinburgh, her baby girl flying the other side world, unsure when she was going to return or when she was next going to hear from her. I thought of my mum sitting at home, her baby girl flying to the other side of the world. I thought of the fact that my mum hadn’t met my dad, didn’t know she was going to have me or John and everything in between then and now. I then wondered where I would be in 34 years time, would I have a baby girl and would she be flying to the other side of the world? I was a bit of an emotional wreck (as always) but for me, it was just so amazing to think of me doing the same thing my mum had done just a short 34 years later, I soon snapped myself out of that train of thought and began getting unbelievably excited about being reunited with my brother after 11 months and……I started crying again!!

I got off the plane, whirled through customs and grabbed by bag, walked as fast as my lil legs could take me with my huge backpack clinging onto my back like a big fat koala (because y’know, I was in Australia…) to see John and what would you know, I STARTED CRYING AGAIN!

Sydney started with a lot of tears, happy ones though — such happy happy ones!

Sydney has been such a dream, whatta place! Amazing. So chilled, so beautiful, so welcoming. I love it. I’ve been here three weeks, I think?! I really have no concept of time or dates anymore. Everyday feels like a Saturday — oh except for Thursday because that’s FREE POOL at Kings Cross Hotel where I go to get beaten game after game, Thursday after Thursday by John. Who knows why I keep going back… Maybe one day I’ll win. One day. One day. Maybe tonight is the night…

Oh, I love this life. Strangers becoming friends, unfamiliar places becoming familiar, hostels becoming homes. A new way of life. New surroundings, new people, new experiences. Constantly adapting. Saying yes. New adventures. Spontaneous plans. I love it. LOVE IT.

I’m staying in Sydney for another week before I head up the coast. A road trip from Sydney to Brisbane, possibly further up to Cairns. E X C I T E D. Stealing/borrowing/using John’s car and heading off on an adventure. More new places, new people, new surroundings. Every day is amazing. Have I mentioned that I LOVE THIS LIFE???

I’ve also applied for the most amazing internship at a Health & Wellness resort in Hunter Valley. My application went down well, I’m through to the next stage and I’ve got a phone interview on Monday, yaaaaayyy!!! BUT, they are pretty much full and have no room UNLESS someone drops out. So fingers crossed that someone drops out (for a non-serious or life threatening reason though…) and the perfect little space becomes available for me. Because that would be a DREAM. COME. TRUE. So if all those out there with magical powers, could you please work your magic, send some good vibes my way and secure me this internship that would be great. Like really super great. Thank you.

Mind Musings

Before I left I always thought about who I would ‘be’ when I was travelling. Would I fit the ‘traveller’ stereotype? Do I look like someone who is travelling the world? Did I have to wear those baggy pants or an ankle bracelet? Yes I know that all sounds ridiculous, but we are always trying to be who we ‘think’ we should be. Whether it be at work, as a mum, as a friend, as a student, in a certain social group, or a certain situation. Who are we in each of these situations? Do we adapt to be different in different settings? Do we do things because we feel we need to do them to be someone? We are always trying to become something, someone. We worry we won’t fit it, be accepted, have friends if we aren’t who we feel we need to be for each setting

But I’ve realised that I am just, I am just… me.

Not anything or anyone else, I don’t have to be anything else or anyone else to fit in, I don’t have to wear baggy pants to travel, I don’t have act a certain way, or do certain things, I just have to me and that is all I can ever be and all I’ll ever be.

I found this beautiful blog that captures exactly what I am trying to say…

“We worry too much. We worry about how we look and how we sound; of how we will be perceived and what people will think; of how many likes we do or don’t get and what it says about us; that we aren’t doing enough, being enough, achieving enough, striving enough; that nobody sees us or really cares about our gifts … and we long for a time when we could just be instead of always trying become.”

I’ve stopped becoming who I think I should be on this adventure and just being who I am. Unconcerned about what others think, honest, real and me.

I am being. Not becoming.

So to conclude…

Life is good. Everything is amazing. People are wonderful and special. I fell in love with Fiji. I cry a lot. Like a lot. Sydney is unreal. I’m not sure this life is mine. Time is going really fast. I’m SO grateful. I am just me. I’ve stopped trying to become and just be. I’m rubbish at writing regular blogs. I really want to get that internship — so magical friends, you know what to do. I love my life. A lot. There are so many amazing people in this world. This world is divine.

What a life!!!

Oh and I miss my dog.

Fern Urquhart

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a journey through the unknown