Date night: Exploring the mind of an awkward female introvert.
It is exactly 8pm and my nerdy self actually got here on time. Should I text- let him know how punctual I am? And risk creating the allusion that I am so eager to go on this date? Or do I just casually sit down, order myself a Chardonnay and down it so it can calm my nerves 🤔… well, that’s it! My cerebrum is pure genius. I’ll choose the latter.
*Chardonnay arrives; makes eye contact with date walking in*. Great! I made eye contact, do I stare him down as he walks over? Pretending I didn’t see him is a bit douchey.
Him: Hey, Bella! I am so sorry I’m late- I’m never late. Did you get my tex-..
Me: *awkwardly cuts him off mid-sentence*; no no it’s okay- the Chardonnay kept me company while I waited.
Him: In that case, let’s get a bottle.
What is wrong with you Bella? Chardonnay kept you company? Really? Since when does Chardonnay “keep someone company”? And what was that awkward hug where you made him kiss your ear. He was going for your cheek! All you had to do was pause before the embrace. Make a mental note to practice the art of hugging.
Him: You look good! I like that dress on you.
He looks good too 😍. I have never noticed those muscles. Did he just workout? Like literally before coming here? Reminds me of a movie I watched- this man did push-ups before getting dressed for his date. What was the name of that movie? And how does one do push-ups before getting dressed for a date? Do you not sweat? Do people fart when they do push-ups? Does he fart? Like ever?
Waitress: Are you guys ready to order?
Him: Bella, what do you want to have?
The Filet Mignon sounds good. But then again, this Tilapia is calling my name. Besides, I already ordered chardonnay so it makes absolute sense to get the Tilapia.
Me: I’ll try the Filet Mignon please.
I guess my taste buds wanted other wise.
Him: I’ll have the Tilapia.
Waitress: Excellent choice. We’ve actually paired that with the Chardonnay.
Oh, ask him about his day. And while he explains queue some more small-talky conversation bullets- anything but the weather though that’s too obvious.
Him: What was the highlight of your day?
Me: *literally forgetting how my day went or what day it is, and omg is it still November?* Uhmmm.. I had chips mayai for lunch.
Me: Soo… finance- that must be a hard job.
Him: Not really, what exactly do you think is hard about finance?
Me: Well.. you know, everything.
What I should’ve said is that i’m not good with numbers and I can not imagine myself having a career looking at figures. Now he’s explaining finance literacy for dummies. Great! Just sip your Chardonnay as you stare at those muscles. Did I remember to feed Mr. Whiskers — he gets really cranky when he hasn’t eaten. What’s my follow up question to stock market portfolios? Shit! He stopped talking 😳. What happened to my queue of questions???
Together: “How’s your food?”
Me: *awkward laugh* it’s great.
This steak is chewy. I wish we could skip the awkward first date and fast forward to when I can comfortably eat my steak with my bare hands in a home setting.
Him: Do you have plans for tomorrow?
Me: *as I daydream about squeezing his muscles*; uhhh, yes. Matter of fact I do.
Him: That sucks, I had a great time with you.
I don’t have plans. I’d rather spend the day watching animated shows while I recharge my energy for more human interactions. Ahhh.. cartoons 😇 my safe haven. Matter of fact, a Bojack Horseman marathon is needed right about now. Can we go now? So I can be my loner self, analyze every bit of this date.
Him: Bella, you’re really pretty. I have to admit, I haven’t seen anyone as beautiful as you in a while.
Me: *awkward laugh* Thank you, so are you. I mean… you’re handsome.
What is this? High school? I said “so are you” 😩. My cheeks are getting warm. Is it the chardonnay or the unexpected compliment? I want to go home now; its past my bedtime. But he’s so dreamy. That’s it, no more dates. Do we hold hands as we walk out? No that’s too soon.
(If you read this far, you’re my favorite 💛; don’t forget to applaud)