Oh Geez! Does it get rough? I mean I can remember a life about 8 years ago when I worked in a doctor’s office and my coworkers were so catty. I cried almost every day on my drive home. I asked my husband everyday if I could quit. My position was file clerk, but I had been pharmacy tech for a few years before that. The reason I switched jobs was because I had a kindergartner and new baby at home and I wanted set schedule. I couldn’t get that working in a hospital pharmacy. I digress, once hired as a file clerk the “girls” in the office were very impressed with me. The position I had taken had been empty for some time. Tons of lab reports and medical records were backed up or miss filed. Within about a week I had everything organized, and in its proper place. They were truly grateful, but then when I started getting bored and was able to do my entire days work in less than an hour or so I asked my boss for more responsibilities. She was happy to have me help the other girls but they just saw me as a threat. They would have me call in scripts and purposefully tell me the wrong sig (sig- is the shorthand the doctors and pharmacists use to write and translate prescriptions). When I would question them they’d get defensive and take the call from me. They just didn’t want me “trained” and the fact that I already was scared them. Eventually I wasn’t allowed to answer the phone at all. They were very blunt about picking on me. My migraines were starting to become chronic then. I’d miss a lot of work. That was just more ammunition for them. (Of course, she’s faking!!!) Eventually I just gave in and quit. Ironically, less than 6 months later the doctor left the area and the office closed altogether.
What’s tougher than day to day drama at a bs job with coworkers drive you crazy? Caretakers. Being chronically ill and having to rely on caretakers.It’s bad enough if that caretaker is someone you’ve hired to help with the dishes or laundry some other light housework, but when your caretaker is your husband or your child it’s much more frustrating. For your spouse you try to remind yourself they took a vow. “In sickness and in health”, but at the same time you can’t help but to feel guilty. In your mind saying that vow in your early 20's when both you and your handsome fiancé are standing at that altar you think of chicken noodle soup, crackers, and 7-up when one of you have a stomach ache. Not thousands of dollars in medical bills every year even before they turn 30, or the late night trips to the emergency room when you have to work the next day. (Even worse late night trips to the ER when the next day is your only day off in a month because you have to work to jobs to keep the bills paid because your significant other who’s not even 40 is already is stuck earning a disability check that doesn’t even cover her medical bills each month let alone help with household bills. As the disabled spouse, you feel guilty. If you’re fortunate enough you have a wonderful supportive healthy spouse that tells you it’s all worth it and he/she wouldn’t have changed anything.
There’s more guilt though. Your children. They didn’t ask told be put in this situation. You’re 12 year old daughter shouldn’t know how to draw up a Toradol shot. At 13, she shouldn’t know how to give them to you. Your 9 year old son shouldn’t make up excuses not to go outside and play with neighborhood kids, but in reality he’s worried you’ll fall in the house thanks to weakness on bad Fibro day. You and your daughter shouldn’t fight because she feels you shouldn’t leave the house without you’re cane, but you are embarrassed by it and don’t want to take unless you know you’ll need it. Unfortunately, you never know when you’re going to need it you do. It’s hard because you want to be independent, but it becomes as though they have to parent you. All the while you are actually, in reality, the parent.
Oh! How I wish I could go back and my biggest problems were catty coworkers. We’ll get through this as I managed to get through that. Okay, it may be a bit different. I can’t just quit Fibromyalgia. (Wouldn’t that be wonderful? Here’s my 2 weeks notice. Nah, I wouldn’t want to see my replacement. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.) I will get through this though and so will my family. We do love each other that’s obvious. I hope that’s something all of you have is a great support system. If not contact me. That’s why we started this page.
Love and Gentle Hugs,
Catrina
