2023/08/11; Random Thought About Being Happy for Others
I know that there’s a part of me that’s definitely not right when I have this problem. Sometimes (most of the time), the first thing that I thought when hearing some good news is scepticism and a question. It’s not an exact envious feeling (that I-wish-it-was-me thing). Mostly, my brain will automatically try to find the reason or story behind the good news. Does it make me feel better? Of course not– it will rather instantly haunt me for the next one or two days–how could you be this rotten inside, you know that others’ good news won’t lower your chance of receiving your own, right?
They say that it’s just being human to feel jealous. Is it that hard to feel just as happy as them, say ‘I’m happy for you too!’ and just move on with your own life, without feeling bad about yourself? You say that you’re not feeling jealous but your action says otherwise (I really don’t feel jealous, I just…didn’t know how to react like a normal supportive person). P.S.: it didn’t happen to everyone–it just occur randomly but most of the time…yes.
And I hate it so much; it feels like that I want to make everything about me–that world just revolving around me (I really don’t want to). I often questioned myself: Are you jealous? And I will answer that confidently: no. Because I think that jealousy means that I want to feel those for myself–or achieve the same thing, or receive the same good news, and it didn’t apply to my case. It is just that the first thing that comes out is scepticism. A question–can’t help it, but yeah, it kinda feels like I just automatically belittle others’ hard work, effort, and decisions. And I don’t know why.
It does make me feel so bad–at some point, it just can’t stay on my mind and I just accidentally say that to someone (not the one that receives the good news–it’s just that this one time I told this person a story from a third person’s point of view). And this person said it directly to me (while laughing, of course, not in a serious tone): Why are you so jealous of your friend? You can’t be like that. And I am MAD. Deep down, I know that I’m mad because I’m afraid–that It’s true and I’m just in denial that I DO feel jealous of my friend. (Thankfully, months later and looking back to that time, I know that it’s not true, but who knows what will happen if this happened again and again in the future?). And it still haunts me to this very day.
Then I remember I read this somewhere (maybe a tweet? I forgot tho):
Struggling with being happier for others? It can be tough, especially if you aren’t happy with yourself. There is usually an underlying issue if you cannot feel happy for others’ accomplishments or happiness; this underlying issue is usually depression or anxiety.
And tracing back to several times ago–yes, this thought usually occurs when I’m in an unhappy state of my life. So, it’s not actually a fit of jealousy; rather, I’m just projecting my unhappiness to others. Little that I realize, being hard on ourselves won’t make good things come closer or sooner. Everyone has their own timeline. Maybe for others, it’s today; who know that if those things happen to you at the same time as other, you will feel as happy as others? Everyone’s needs are different–maybe those things didn’t come to you until now because you didn’t need that in your life, and you are better off without them. You have to remember this once again: good things that happen to other doesn’t affect anything in your life; it won’t lower your chance to receive good things too, and being so negative will just waste your precious time, energy, and the worst case–your hardly built relationship with other people.
We need to refocus our attention on becoming better versions of ourselves rather than comparing ourselves to others. In short; stop comparing. Everyone got their own ruler–don’t measure your progress with someone else’s ruler.
Now you’ve got a thing to learn: try to appreciate others. There is something better than you in every person you meet–so do you. Stop questioning things and just learn from that thing.
Here’s a song for you! Thank you for reading until the end and bear with me; I know this toxic thought needs to be cleared and solved — and I’m on my way to do that.
