This post directly reacts to my yesterday post and should explain few things. Not trying to justify anything, how I wrote it I would never usually publish it but I did and I am not taking it back.
Yesterday night I got drunk, after two months of not drinking alcohol I had a single glass of wine. Yes just one glass. I didn’t though it would do anything, but I lost straight thinking and the best idea I had, apart from the original, which was writing what had happened in Paris was to write about my non existent relationship with this girl I like.
I wrote a lot of things and they are from my point of view at the time. Mostly driven by deep emotions and fears inside me, I somehow felt in love with someone virtual, someone I created in my mind even thought I actually didn’t know that person. Yep that’s possible, welcome to 21st century where online communication gives you the power to talk to anyone in the world, but with a huge disadvantage. There are no emotions, no transfer of visual expressions of the other person’s face. As a result, unless you really meet that person, whatever you imagine is just in your head and is not really happening. Your are saying to yourself, it might be, but it’s usually not.
Nothing can excuse me from what I did and that I hurt the person I cared about, exactly because I created this virtual other person I wanted to believe is the real one.
There are so many I should have … and I shouldn’t have done that going trough my head right now.
I am really sorry. To the people who now who this person is, don’t take it badly if you can, I am big piece of shit (or at least that’s how I feel for what I did), I should have asked for her consent before publishing such thing, I should have done many things.
There is one thing, right now and that’s that I truly now that no alcohol means, NO FUCKING ALCOHOL.
No exceptions, it never solves anything.
The other thing that I also partially discovered in Paris and is kind of why I went there is to live in the reality. To build relationships with real people on the real world and that online communication is hell.
Good morning to everyone and let me just once more kick my ass and wake up.
Author comment, same day, different view. It took me a while, yeah things now take me a while to get, but I actually don’t regret what I did and I am happy about what I did. My day was another of those best days of my life and I feel so happy :D.