@Deadspin, Proud of U

A eulogy, I guess.

Phyllis S
Phyllis S
Nov 7 · 4 min read

This is going to be a mess. I’m not a writer, and I don’t have a practice of just bleeding my bitter feelings all over the interwebs. This whole activity is making me feel like I’m covered in ants, but Deadspin is actually, officially dead and I’m sad.

I’m super fucking sad.

I’m sad, and I don’t know how to talk about it because only a cluster of my friends actually give any shits about sports and even less actually read Deadspin. I’ve been in a continued state alternating between sighing like a useless potato and rage huffing AAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH like the sound of my frustration can single-handedly annoy Satan to change the future.


I really, really love sports. Which I didn’t know/acknowledge until college and then the obsession got delayed because I had the whole “ball throwing? I’m in art school” thing going on. But then I graduated, I got a desk job, and realized that my inner nerd just loves reading about sports all the time.

Mostly, hockey and basketball. Pretty much all USA women’s national teams. A little football, some soccer. To be frank, I don’t really care. If the story is a story then I’m eating that shit up faster than a Survivor contestant rewarded Applebees. I’m euphoric about every twitter beef, every flamboyant “unsportsman” celebration, every goddamn slip in defense leading to devastation.

And Deadspin was fantastic at making me care about the story, about the outcome of any stupid sports ball game, about how the greater world politics plays into this smaller world that we’re all addicted to. Deadspin wasn’t heavy on the technical or the play-by-plays. They made learning about sports so easy in between the biting sarcasm and not-so-gentle roasting. They understood that you can love something so much that you just need to tear it to fucking shreds and set it on fire.

They made it fun.


Here’s a truth I know (and I really, really don’t give any shits if you feel differently): it sucks balls being a sports fan as a woman on the internet.

I could go into which part, but I don’t want to because it makes me feel old and I’m tired.

Here’s another truth I know: Deadspin has been one of the only places on the internet that has made me feel safe as a woman on the internet.

As safe as you can be anyway.

I’m trying to get all my reasons down in any sort of coherent fashion. I’m not championing this as a common opinion or sentiment. I didn’t frequent the site to find equality or get well. The site is abrasively truthful at best, and literally an old man yelling at clouds at worst.

There were times when everything in sports disappointed me. As a fan, there are always decisions made that just steer you straight into jadedness. A loss of faith with your franchise, other fans, or your favorite player. Deadspin never let you feel like you were alone in seeing the fuckedupness when betrayals happened. They put it on blast, like the sheer blatant acid dripping from their criticism could melt the skins off your enemies. That you’re not ridiculous for still loving to watch stupid young millionaires playing made up games even when, especially when, they clearly didn’t give a shit about you.

It helps that I lean politically in the same manner that they did. It helps that they published articles covering how fucked a lot of things are for women, but also just covering women’s sports in general. It helps that I can reliably know that they’ll find the sliver of humor in a terrible situation, but still be unwavering of how important something can be. It helps that it always feels like they’re talking to you at a bar, passionately waving a beer, deep diving into something that you didn’t even know you cared about until you do. It helps that the same trashy, foul-mouthed, and generally combative commenters would always pop up to collect stupid stars and make me feel so goddamn fond of sports nuts everywhere.


I’m not saying Deadspin was perfect, but it was comforting as shit and I’m sad.

I can’t believe I have been reading this goddamn site with these assholes for so long.

Deadspin put out some of the best sports journalism that just sat with me for days. I have been reading Barry Petchesky and Lauren Theisen yell about hockey for so long now that I physically have no idea where I’m supposed to go now. It was the first place where some of my favorite posts were written by women that were equally joyous, sarcastic as shit, and black-heartedly hilarious. Cardinal Numbers was so mean and so funny. I actually watched multiple matches of women’s curling when the Winter Olympics rolled around because the breakdown made me curious. I loved reading surprised comment after comment telling Giri Nathan that his coverage on the US Open was making them interested in tennis. I goddamn lived for the Raptors win last year, and I cackled aloud every time Albert Bunerko seesawed on them.

I fucking cried real tears when Drew Margary went to the hospital.


Deadspin always made me feel, for lack of a better word, normal about my love of sports and realistic about its mechanics in the world. I wasn’t a checkbox demographic, I wasn’t being pandered to so that they can make a quick buck off of me. I could love and hate everything at the same time and it was my right.

I’m grateful to nearly ten years of wasted time on this trash site and I really, really hope y’all get what’s good.

See you in hell. Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin.

Stay salty. Deadspin Forever.

Phyllis S

Written by

Phyllis S

Designer, NYC. Likes coffee, sports, crafts, and tries very hard not to be an asshole.

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