The Art of Socialising

Here I proudly present a typical day of an 80% introvert:
Stimulus : Bumps into friends (excluding those that I am very close with)
Excited to meet them → Do not know what to say despite the joy → Stands there awkwardly and smiles → Waits for the friend to say something instead of me→ Does not know how to end the short encounter → Friend leaves → Frustrated by how my brain is jammed whenever this happens
And this repeats whenever stimulus is presented
I should stop blaming it on my introvert traits though, especially when introverts and extroverts are definitely not coined to equate to shy vs. sociable. Maybe, I am just — shy, or socially awkward.
Or, I can blame it on my weird logic: “If someone has not seen me for a year or two, they will forget how I look and who I am”. Whenever I encounter someone that I have not seen in a while, I automatically assume that they do not recognise me anymore, and will try to avoid looking at them. My imaginative ability is beyond what you can imagine, and this is one good example. Every time I meet an old acquaintance, I feel very different as to how I was like one or two years ago, and therefore I imagine myself looking very different — like having done a plastic surgery. The first half is true, but the second half… no I still do not have the courage to make my photoshopped self to reality.
Back to my awkward typical day — It is not that I do not enjoy conversing with new people though. I sincerely enjoy hearing others’ stories, and in telling them mine. I like the moment of meeting new friends, and also in becoming good friends with some especially when we get along very well. I just hate the awkward transformation from new friends to good friends. Similar with the case when frequently met acquaintances turn to ‘long-time-no-see and I’m not sure whether they still remember me’ acquaintances. How good life would be if awkward silences can transform to comfortable silences in just a few days, if not seconds.
Socialising vs. Conversing. I tend to separate the two concepts with all the negative connotations I put on the former label. Ultimately however, I feel that they should mean the same thing, or I am trying to make them be the same for myself. If I am able to converse with friends, why couldn’t I apply a similar approach, and thus apply a similar approach in connecting with people that I am less familiar with, which I regard as socialising?
In my final year, yet I am still trying to locate my position on the sociability spectrum. The art of socialising, and the art of conversing, are still yet to be mastered.
The journey goes on. “Let’s grab a meal together someday.”
-MC
