A fear of mine is that this. Is. It.

Is this really it? Life feels so repetitive. Jeez, I love being married, I love my husband, the guy is the best thing to happen to me. Even if sometimes he makes me so angry I feel like my head is going to explode. BUT, life is boring. Boring is good, I think I’ve had my fair share of excitement but I wish my job was more interesting. I wish I travelled more. I wish I had more money to be more comfortable. I want to go back to school to get this degree because I know it’s essential, but, fuck school really. I don’t like school. I’ve always been smart but I’ve always hated school. I’ve signed up for free classes on Coursera and the lectures put me to sleep. I’m in a career track right now and the job is easy, the pay is OK but could always be better. For my age I suppose it’s alright. I am married though with a shit ton of loans so relative to that is my pay good? No, it could be better.

Sometimes I think fuck should I have a baby to make my life more interesting? And then I think no. That’s fucking crazy and would change my life forever. I think there is a lot I have to do before I go ahead and decide to dedicate my life to another human being. I want to be happy with my own life before I do that.

I don’t know why people are so afraid of marriage. I think having a child impacts your life far more than marriage does. Especially if you marry the right person.

I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I feel like I’m running out of time, but I also know that I’m not, because I am very young. Even if I weren’t young, people can change their career path at any time. I know I don’t want to do this. I know I want to earn more money. I know that I want to have a job that it interesting because life is extremely repetitive. And if I’m going to do the same thing over and over again I have to enjoy it.

I don’t know what to do.