Beautiful Love Story

Bill was an ugly guy. People would leave a restaurant when he showed up, and once a whole stadium even cleared out and he had to watch the football game all alone. That’s how ugly he was. It’s hard for you to realize how ugly Bill was, because if you ever saw him you would look away immediately so as not to damage your retina, and therefore you wouldn’t have the image of someone so ugly in your brain to recall when I talk about a really ugly guy like Bill. He was so ugly his friends wore blindfolds around him.

Jules, on the other hand, was a sweet looking lady. When she walked by, men’s heads turned. She was pretty and shapely. Restaurants filled up minutes after she sat down. If she went to a play or a movie, it was sure to be a sell out that night. Her hair was coal black and her eyes an exquisite green. She had a narrow waist, fine hips, and beautiful bouncy breasts. I can’t emphasize too much what a nice looking lady she was.

Usually ugly guys and sweet looking ladies don’t get together, but Bill and Jules had a mutual friend, Wanda, who thought she could put the planet into better balance if she got the two together. She was what you call a do-gooder and Jules really liked her. They met at the Bernie Sanders Lost Burmese Python Shelter where Wanda was a volunteer and Jules was the veterinarian who nursed the massive constrictors back to health after their distressful journeys through the sewers of south Florida.

Jules was the only full time paid staff at the otherwise all-volunteer shelter that had been endowed by an eccentric ball bearing billionaire in honor of the only politician who would take up the plight of the massive serpents being flushed down the toilets by irresponsible burned out Burmese python pet owners in Broward and Dade Counties. The shapely veterinarian was quite shy, and her beauty had attracted unwanted attention from men young and old ever since her breasts blossomed.

Wanda and Bill worked together. They were both teachers at the Sharpened Senses Secondary School. Wanda taught sign language to the hearing impaired (mostly deaf people). Bill taught Chemistry and Biology to the visually impaired (mostly blind people). It was a good job for Bill because none of his students had to shield their eyes to keep from seeing his ugly face. That had been a problem at prior teaching positions. Kids who could see normally sometimes complained about wearing blindfolds, and administrators finally gave in to parents who blamed their children’s bad grades on overuse of blindfolds. Thereafter, Bill was relegated to teaching the visually impaired.

At work, Bill had to keep a paper bag on hand to put over his head for staff meetings because some of the other teachers complained they couldn’t take notes without seeing. Bill thought it was pretty humiliating wearing a paper bag over his head, but his colleagues tried to be nice and often complemented him on his aroma, which, strangely enough, was very attractive and seemed to be trying to make up for how visually repugnant he was.

“Smelling nice as usual, Bill,” Barbara the bean-counter would say.

“Bill, it’s always nice to sit next to such a sweet-smelling guy,” Jody the gym teacher might comment. “What is that fragrance I detect today?”

And then there was Janet the janitor, sometimes a bit more forward in her compliments. “Nice schtank you got going there, Billy Boy. Give me a whiff of that,” and she’d lean in and take a sniff of whatever amazing aroma Bill effortlessly emanated that day.

“You have an attractive aroma, Bill,” prim and proper Wanda once told him, “I know a pretty girl who would really appreciate that fragrant scent.”

To make a long story short, Wanda the matchmaker was able to get Jules and Bill together on a date, and from there chemistry took over. It was spontaneous combustion at first smell. Being around snakes all day, Jules was acquiring some of their habits and had become an increasingly olfactory female. She was immediately drawn to Bill by the deliciously fragrant scent enveloping his body, and her sense of smell was heightened even more by the fact that she wore a blindfold to their blind date, having been warned by Wanda about possible damage to her retina.

Not wanting to be seen in public, Bill and Jules met on neutral ground at Wanda’s apartment for the first date. Jules could hardly contain herself as she sat on the couch next to Bill. A few minutes into the small talk, she asked Wanda if she could use her bedroom and beckoned Bill in with her finger. Bill wasted no time in following beguiling, blindfolded Jules into the bedroom, whereupon she immediately jumped his bones.

Jules had a lot of pent up passion from all the years she’d repressed her sexuality because she felt slimed by foul-smelling men and boys who were drooling over her face and body every time she walked down the street. Bill was pretty happy about getting his bones jumped and immediately fell deeply and permanently in love, which makes this a love story.

It would be nice to be able to end this romance right now by saying they fucked happily ever after, but that was not the case. After climaxing more than once, Jules in a fit of passion ripped her blindfold off to gaze into her lover’s eyes.

That was not a good idea.

Bill’s horrendous ugliness scorched her gorgeous green eyes, blinding her temporarily, and Jules ran shrieking out into the living room where she tripped over Wanda’s pet Burmese python and crashed head first into the terrarium which was filled with live rodents for the snake to snack on. The glass from the terrarium shattered, lacerating Jules’ face, and she nearly bled to death before making it to the hospital.

Love-struck Bill felt really bad and retired to an isolated ranch in Australia. There he made love only to blind sheep.

Jules’ face was horribly disfigured and she became a recluse. In a sad turn of events, she did what most horribly disfigured recluses do and gained a tremendous amount of weight. She was no longer considered beautiful by men.

Daily she went from the Bernie Sanders Lost Burmese Python Shelter to her nearby home in a Hummer with tinted windows and a hydraulic lift to get her 500 pound weight in and out of it.

Sadly also, most of the volunteers left the Bernie Sanders Lost Burmese Python Shelter when it transitioned to giant meat grinder technology. Since the Everglades were now overflowing with the big constrictors, all sorts of naturalists, fishermen, and wildlife enthusiasts had started bringing them to the back door because it was the only place around licensed to euthanize Burmese pythons.

While the license was originally obtained to euthanize the sick Asian monsters the vet tried to save but could not cure, Jules was now accepting them in through the back door and had developed a side business euthanizing them for twenty bucks a pop to feed her voracious appetite for junk food. Her friend Wanda, out of pity for the tragedy that had befallen formerly beautiful Jules, turned a blind eye to the practice until one day her friend had the giant meat grinder installed to deal more efficiently with the booming Burmese bloodbath she was handling. That was more than Wanda could take and she left. For Australia.

On the far off Australian ranch, Bill heard news of the sad situation that Jules had gotten herself into when Wanda showed up in the pasture one day. Wanda saw how happy the blind sheep were that Bill was taking care of, but she couldn’t shed her do-gooder matchmaking instinct and convinced Bill to take in the errant veterinarian on the ranch. Bill, after all, had fond memories of making love to Jules, the only woman he’d ever been with. From that one experience, he was convinced that women were better lovers than sheep, and he hoped to re-ignite the passion with Jules, though worried that she would accidentally remove her blindfold again.

Wanda went back to Florida to collect Jules who was up to her eyeballs in the Burmese python meatgrinding operation. Unfortunately, the ball bearing billionaire had withdrawn his patronage, and Bernie Sanders had publicly disowned the “shelter” when he realized the civil rights of the big snakes were being violated. The facility’s Burmese python euthanasia license had come up for renewal, and county inspectors signaled their intention to enforce strictly the snake consent statue that animal rights activists had recently succeeded in passing in a shining example of bipartisan cooperation by Florida legislators. When Wanda returned from Australia, it wasn’t hard for her to convince Jules to go see Bill on the ranch down under.

Transportation to Australia wasn’t simple, but Wanda arranged everything for Jules, and the two long lost lovers were soon re-united. As it turned out, Jules had been up to her eyeballs in Burmese python blood so deep that her retina had become immune to ugliness, and she could even gaze into Bill’s eyes as they climaxed together. Although Jules wasn’t the same beautiful woman he’d been fantasizing about for years, she was better than the sheep, and the couple spent many a happy hour in coital embrace.

Now we can truly say they fucked happily ever after and this is a beautiful love story.