Hunting Humans, Do’s and Don’ts

we don’t have a lot of time,

so I’ll cover the major points

and then

you’re all on your own.

the calf is delicious -

when you hear someone shout

Oh Shit Zombies

the next sight

you’re likely to see

is a fleet of tasty leg muscles

running away.

if you manage to catch one,

reducing your prey’s ability to run

is also the fastest way

to curb your appetite.

so start there.

arms are next on the list -

fewer arms means fewer hands

likely to wield

axes, hammers, garden trowels,

spades, sticks, guns

and clubs.

so be sure to get your teeth into the wings

as soon as you’re done

with the other business.

brains — overrated

and the skull area is

likely to break teeth.

besides, we’re not dealing

with the sharpest

species on the map.

it wasn’t a group of donkeys

who put

the leaky nuclear power station

right here next to the medical university.

so skip the gray matter.

if you can get the chest cavity

open or

somewhat open,

head straight for the heart.

it’s the often-neglected centerpiece

and its removal will most likely

ensure that your human

will stay put

until you’re full.

so

stick together,

travel lightly,

eat your party down to a

workable size if

you’re pressed for time,

and always

keep in mind that we were once like them -

violent, single-minded, savage.

the transformation is all we really have

to thank for everything.