Irish ‘Yes’ vote could make men go gay

Ireland’s ‘yes’ vote for same-sex marriage on May 22nd might make men turn to homosexuality as a way to feel special on the “big day.”

“Men worldwide have been consistently sidelined during the wedding process,” explains Alain Rochefort of the European Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Men. “From menus to outfits, they never get a look in.”

It’s an opinion with which Liam Flaherty, a 28 year old carpenter can concur. “I’d always wanted a big wedding with all eyes on me but as a straight guy growing up in Kilrush I sensed this was never, ever going to happen.”

“It was all dresses and hair-dos and spray-tans. I used to hide in the closet, flicking furiously through Bridal Belles, hoping against hope there’d be a mention of the groom, but nothing. It’s as if we were just an afterthought.”

“Some say a man can marry a woman and have an input into his day, and even his life, but I’ve yet to see it happen,” his eyes welling up.

Fashionistas feel it worst. “A tie and some slip-ons? Not on your Nikes” cried Simon Silk, a graphic designer based in Blackrock. “ I know my Valentino from my Vera Wang and on the most important day of my life I intend to do more than simply look like my Dad, thanks.”

Ireland’s ‘yes’ vote could mean a whole new future for grooms-to-be who have been battling against a terrible tide thinking any woman will ever share the spotlight.

“I used to drool and dribble over women, praying they would pop the question,” explained Liam. “But since Friday, thankfully, those feelings have died down. I’m reconsidering my options.”

“Thank you Ireland!”, beams Alain Rochefort again. “Grooms can now step out of the closet. If women don’t shape up they can ship out. And we’ll just stick to our own kind.”

One clap, two clap, three clap, forty?

By clapping more or less, you can signal to us which stories really stand out.