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I Embrace This Path

Everything changes today.

Yesterday I was giving birth to a 6 pound 5 oz baby boy with my husband by my side compassionately holding my hand and giving me an oxygen mask so I can keep going.

Yesterday I was six weeks postpartum and starting a new job as a server at Texas Roadhouse where I would miss a majority of the nights putting my son to sleep. I would check on him before I went to bed and imagine what bath time must have been like without me.

Yesterday it was August and I was starting a new job as a server at Rotolo’s where I would spend a little less time at work but just enough to miss my son’s first time standing up in his crib holding only the rails to keep balance.

Yesterday I was struggling to find a sitter and then find a way to work since our car is no longer sitting in the parking lot waiting for things to be just a little bit easier on us.

Yesterday I was praying for a word. I got two.

“Step up” is what God said to me yesterday. He said that I have been running myself ragged for far too long and he has clearly moved a mountain so that I can have some rest. I thought stepping up was getting a job outside of the home and providing financially but what I didn’t realize was how it was affecting the home.

My husband has gotten more hours and opportunity to make more money with the company he is with and that means I should not only spend more time at home but it means that I can. I can change what we have unknowingly neglected. I can turn our home back into a feel-good, comfy-cozy home.

Our home hasn’t been cozy and fun in a while. All the stress of both working and struggling for me to even just get to work was too much. I was tired when I would come home and on my off days I would be too tired to do much else but play with Jude and sleep.

He blessed my husband with more at the job he loves so I can do the job that I love. A job that I have never actually prepared myself for but I know I am capable.

Today things change.

Today my now former boss called me to tell me that he isn’t upset that I wasn’t able to give him any less than immediate notice of my resignation. He told me he understands and I thanked him for giving me the best job I’ve had so far.

Yesterday I was a server and today I am a servant.

I am beginning my journey as a stay a home parent by the grace of God. I am beginning my journey with my son to grow and learn together.

I thought that by quitting my job I would be stepping down and disappointing my family but what I didn’t know that I would actually be stepping up. I would be catering to my family and home 24/7 and that is a bigger job than I can think of. This is the answer to the prayers I’ve been praying for weeks.

I have never pictured myself as a stay at home parent. I have always pictured myself with kids and tried to imagine a life staying home and being strictly a wife and mother but I could never picture it. I could never fathom a life without working outside of the home.

And sure, I could find a work from home job but I don’t think that’s where God wants me. He has told me what I can be and what I am capable of and what I was created for.

I was created for this. I can feel it in my bones. I look at my son and I can’t stand to miss any more firsts. I don’t want to be glued to my computer while I could be crawling on the floor discovering life through the eyes of my greatest accomplishment.

Starting today I will focus on creating a home and a family environment that doesn’t include missing bath time and breakfast and all the moments that I can never get back. I will step out on faith and trust God to provide where I will no longer provide financially.

I am trusting that God will not only season me but bring our family closer as well. I will be intentional, faithful and responsible with this blessing and welcoming of more in the future.

I accept and embrace this path. I accept and embrace this job. I accept and embrace this opportunity.

I will be documenting my journey through my blog and updating so that I will not lose my sanity from lack of adult human interaction and so that I can see how I’ve grown as a wife and mother and homemaker.

I embrace this path. Here we go.