Often times our obedience is swayed by the intensity of the word obey.
I am approaching the official title of “First Time Mom” and the thought of it gets my stomach both tied in knots and filled with butterflies. It is a title that bears a greater responsibility that I have ever been blessed with. For the first time ever I am responsible for a life…that’s not mine!
For 28 (technically 26) weeks, I have been carrying a tiny human inside of my belly and allowing God to do His work directly through me!
It is absolutely mind boggling that God has blessed my life so much in the past year. I am writing this from my sweet little one bedroom apartment between my (newlywed) peacefully sleeping husband and snuggly 9 month old mutt instead of down the hall from my out of tune roommate struggling to get by without the help of my boyfriend (now husband) like I had been before. I began to be obedient to God and watched my life change DRASTICALLY — and the blessings were not ripped away when I failed to be obedient.
God has been a God of second chances.
It’s surreal. It is absolutely MIND BLOWING what I have gone through during this stage of my life trying to navigate pregnancy, a new relationship and now a marriage all while trying to live for the Lord and put Him first in my home and family life!
My husband Josue and I got together in September 2016 after meeting again after high school; moved in together January 2017; got engaged March 2017; got pregnant April 2017; and got married August 2017.
It was definitely fast. But our timing wasn’t normal because our timing wasn’t actually our timing!
Our “previous lives” or “B.C.” was a challenge to tear ourselves away from completely but it led to something incredible that motivated us to finally do it!
But we are not by any means perfect and we still do fall short because we are humans and therefore, we are not good. But God is. That is why we have been forgiven and given the opportunity to raise a child and do it better than we have tried to raise ourselves.
When we got together, we were both still in the world but I was seeking God still and he joined in after some encouragement and an ultimatum just to make some sort of effort. We did some things right and some things we did wrong but we learned from every experience and used it to grow both ourselves and our relationship in Christ!
Fast-forward to getting pregnant:
It was one moment of weakness and God used it.
We both wanted to start a family. We wanted to get married and have a life together full with love, happiness and children.
It wasn’t exactly planned but when it happened we didn’t take any measures to prevent it because we did want it. God did not smite us for doing it out of His plan and instead allowed us to begin on that part of his plan early. Maybe he adjusted his plans to cover our sins.
And I prayed about it.
We knew that it was a sin. We just asked God for guidance and to forgive us and he did. He had already forgiven us.
It gave us motivation to do this pregnancy right. We used a moment of weakness to motivate us to root ourselves deeper into the Lord and embrace His teachings and implement them both in our relationship and our experience as spouses and parents.
I have learned a few things so far about how to do that:
- “Be strong and of good courage” – God tells both Moses and Joshua this. We. try to live by it.
- Be kind even when others won’t. You will never truly be sorry you were kind but you may be sorry that you weren’t.
- Have patience and faith in all situations.
- Expect God’s blessings and give when there is a possibility to.
- Do not boast or brag. Use your words to encourage and lift your loved ones rather than yourself but remember that you are still a child of God. You can be humble and encouraging at the same time.
- Talking gets a message across much more effectively than yelling. A louder voice does not equal a better execution
- Love is a choice. You must choose your family every single day and invest whatever you can.
- Invest as much as you can even if your loved ones can’t invest as much or any at all.
I have been able to use these to strengthen my relationship and it has led to such a positive start to our marriage.
The last six months of my pregnancy — the (mostly) abridged version.
I CANNOT CONTROL EVERYTHING
I repeat that to myself daily.
I had to give up control to Josue and had to learn to allow him to lead and be comfortable with it. This is evident later into my story.
I threw up and craved worcestershire sauce. That’s how I knew. 10 days after conception. 2 days before I saw my first faint positive sign. 3 days before a doctor confirmed that I was in fact becoming a mother.
Josue leaned over and said “You’re pregnant” with an excited smile because he knew we were about to officially start a family together.
I was ecstatic. I knew I had done something that God did not condone and I didn’t pretend I wasn’t disappointed in us but He still gave us a blessing. He showed mercy, I believe. He said “My children, you have disobeyed me and I have forgiven you. I will use this transgression to fulfill a part of my plan for you and you will honor me in me doing so.”
He didn’t say it directly but I imagine that’s what He would have said if I could look Him in the eyes and apologize for trying to walk my own path.
I called my Pastor and told him what happened and that I planned to take responsibility and I was humbled immediately when he told me that he was proud that I was handling the situation with faith. I knew that I needed to raise this child by faith and God’s teachings. He chose me to give this baby a home rooted in Him.
I was honored.
For 15 weeks I suffered through morning sickness constantly. What started as running to find a bathroom when I began to feel icky ended in casually leaning over a trashcan to return my lunch before I continued whatever I was saying. Gatorade, mint gum and toothpaste became my best friends.
The second trimester consisted of much much more.
I had to stop working due to severe sciatic pain when I spent an extended period of time exerting copious amounts of energy.
My child sat low and to the back of my womb (due to an anterior placenta) and it became increasingly painful to just do life in general.
August 22, 2017 (just five days before we got married) we found out we will be the parents of a baby boy! Julián “Jude” David Bruno Cruz. (That’s a mouthful)
Bruno is Josue’s Dad’s last name. Cruz is his mom’s. Legally his is both. Not hyphenated. Both Jude and I have the same last names.
I didn’t believe in “mom instincts” until the 20 week ultrasound confirmed what I had sensed since the day I knew I had gotten pregnant. We were having a little man of God.
Fast forward to 26 weeks gestation and I am in the hospital — going into preterm labor — being put on bed rest for the next three months.
At 28 weeks I am back. I had a kidney stone and was having contractions. I was definitely not getting out of bed rest at this rate.
So back to control for a second: God calls the man to lead. I was not used to letting anyone else lead because I had been leading myself for so long and had finally begun to do it right. God had been working it out in me and bed rest has been a great way to take away the option for me to lead so Josue can. Josue took the opportunity and has not abused it yet. He is wonderful. I am amazed but also not. To be amazed is to pretend I didn’t know he had it in him all along; I just needed to stop taking the control from him.
So maybe God made me slow down and give the reins to Josue because it is His will and I was not acknowledging it.
My doctor agreed we would take the pregnancy two weeks at a time. Every two weeks would be a feat. It would be a better chance each time for Jude to survive if he were to come right then.
Everything I did and will do from that moment on is all about him. I gathered books and tv shows I liked and made myself comfortable because for the majority of the next three months (give or take obviously) I am going to sit back and relax and just encourage him to bake a little longer while I give up control of the house, family and anything else so Josue can lead and give me as much control as he believes I should have. (He has given me a good amount of control and led beautifully. I am in awe.)
And here we are today: I am in the middle of my 28th week and I am trying my best to trust God and give Him and my husband all the control that I always so desperately felt I needed.
Every week I will give a detailed description of what I learned in the past 7 days, how I have tried to implement God’s teaching in marriage and pregnancy/motherhood and a goal to have achieved by the next entry.
Goal for the week of Oct. 22 to Oct. 29: Find a blessing in each day as part of Josue and I’s quality time.
Thank you for going on this journey with me and God bless! I hope you will visit weekly for updates and read the little entires here and there that may be just small revelations or feats!
Until next week