This Thanksgiving was definitely one for the books. We had everything — and I mean everything!
We were invited to my Dad’s house for Thanksgiving at the same time as our grandparents were hosting. We had already said yes to our grandparents in September when we stayed with them for a few days after I went into preterm labor.
We felt we should let Josue’s family decide where we should go.
They ultimately decided that they wanted to go to my grandparents’ house so that’s what we did.
10:15 this morning 7 of us piled into their minivan and made the nearly 2 hour drive to McComb just having fun. I️ don’t remember having that much fun on a car ride with family in forever.
When we got there we waited for a few more relatives to arrive and we all said grace, sat down and ate lunch together.
My cousins and I️ naturally shared a table along with our significant others. It was different than I️ have experienced since I️ was a kid. I️ loved every second of it. My heart was so full that I️ couldn’t even finish my lunch. (And Julián may have also been a factor in that. I️’m getting ready to literally burst and I️ still have seven weeks. Crazy, I️ know!)
Anyways, immediately after lunch we all went upstairs to play pool. It was all fine and dandy until Josue’s brother started to play around with things — which is understandable because he is 11. I️ really didn’t like that, however and made note of it. After a few instances of him having a little too much fun, I️ told him to go downstairs and Josue and I️ clashed immediately.
Josue had the mindset that Jose was just a kid and didn’t break anything so it was okay. My mindset was that he could have and wasn’t respecting my grandparents’ home. No one else bothered to interject which was probably wise.
We went to another room and irrationally argued knowing very well that we weren’t going to think alike on the subject.
I️ don’t think either one of us was wrong but our approach definitely was.
For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
2 Timothy 1:7
Shocked and embarrassed that we were fighting on our very first Thanksgiving as a married couple and our second as an established couple, I️ went outside to sit by myself.
I️ started a few texts and erased them all until finally I️ just blew up. I️ gave him a piece of my mind and boy did it break my own heart realizing how scared I️ actually was of the real problem. But I️ couldn’t be controlled by fear. I️ shouldn’t.
The problem came from a place of anxiety and fear. It wasn’t his fault or mine but the enemies. He used our different views to separate us and I️ just didn’t feel like Josue was putting me first.
I️ didn’t feel chosen. A few other instances of the feeling were brought into play when he finally came outside to talk.
I️ didn’t want to let up on how I️ felt and he didn’t either and suddenly we found ourselves at the point of actually saying out loud that we shouldn’t be together.
He asked for the ring back — probably to make a point and he probably wanted to feel chosen right back.
I️ love his family so much and I️ was just tense and honestly a little nervous because I️ can’t remember the last special Thanksgiving I️ had without them.
But that wasn’t an excuse.
As we realized what had just happened Josue told me that we shouldn’t break up and I️ spilled my feelings about it.
I️ didn’t really want to break up. I️ just wanted to be chosen. And he chose me. Just like he does again and again and again.
God knew exactly what was in store and I️ knew in my heart that I️ couldn’t tamper with that. I️ knew my heart wouldn’t be full I️ did.
I️ spent the ride home upset and trying to figure out how I️ could possibly put our relationship in jeopardy like that. He could have decided to just be done. He could have broken our vows. It could have been worse.
It can always be worse and we shouldn’t sulk about it.
I️ just felt awful. But we got home and we sat on the floor with our leftovers and put on the show we watch together. He pulled the comforter down and put a candle on and suddenly our fight seemed so small.
Every fight we had ever had seemed so pointless.
God doesn’t want us to fight. He tells us to lay our burdens down before we can enter the gates of Heaven. A brother isn’t just your kin. He means everyone. Any ill feelings have to be trashed and doesn’t he have such divine and simple ways of making that happen?
I️’m not upset that we argued because couples argue. We argue with God so how can we expect to get along with everyone else all the time?
I️t put into perspective how thankful I️ am for God’s sacrifice of his son so Josue and I️ can argue and love and prepare to raise a child together. I️ am thankful for his mercy so I️ can show and be shown mercy — especially now that I️ will have to teach another being about mercy.
Let Israel now say, “His mercy endures forever.
Psalms 118:2 NKJV
I’d say it was a successful holiday and it motivates me to use Thanksgiving to find reasons to be Thankful everyday because our God is good so our troubles really are small. Holidays are still just days and days come with challenges.
But God accepts our challenges and asks us to lay it all down on him, not on each other.
When Josue chose me, I️ thought about how great God is for sending me a man that chooses me even when it’s hard to. I️t reminds me that God chose me first and that I️ have to choose Him.
And because of that, I️ am thankful.