How to Talk to a Man Wearing Headphones

Hey ladies,

Ever notice how everyone is wearing headphones now, including people who identify as male on the binary gender spectrum? Just because he’s on a tiny computer machine doesn’t mean he’s doing something important or private or doesn’t appreciate being talked to.

Maybe he’s at the gym, pumping iron to Limp Bizkit, on the subway trying to avoid eye contact, or on a bluetooth talking to his daughter whose mother he recently divorced.

It doesn’t matter what he’s doing, because he’ll be so flattered that you took the time out of my day to jump into his line of vision.

What to do to get his attention:

  1. Stand in front of him. If he’s walking and assumes you’re a pedestrian and keeps trying to walk around you, keep hopping in his path like it’s real life Mario Kart.
  2. Wave, point at his head phones and take those scissors out of your pocket.
  3. Cut the wire connecting the headphones to whatever device he was using.
  4. Throw the scissors on the ground so he doesn’t think he’s next.
  5. Introduce yourself.

A starting off point:

You: Hi, I don’t usually do this but you just seemed so cool and cute I had to stop and say hi the second I saw you. I’m JesiLesliAnna.

Him: [flattered by the attention] Wow, this never happens to me. I love it when girls take initiative. I’m john. You don’t know this because I’m talking, but I spell it with a lowercase j.

You: That’s great.

Him: [inspired by positive reinforcement] You want to get together sometime?

You: Yes. Not now because I have to go, but can I have your number?

Him: Sure. As a male, I’m not constantly hyper-vigilant in the event I am being aggressively pursued, stalked, verbally and physically harassed by someone who’s interested in me and will handle rejection poorly.

You: I bet you also don’t use headphones as a non-verbal way to communicate to males that you don’t want to be bothered while you try to find someplace to look at that doesn’t involve eye contact.

You see, it’s easy to talk to guys who are wearing headphones. Maybe he doesn’t want to be talked to, but you won’t know until you try. Kind of like how you didn’t know not to lick a hornet’s nest until you actually did it.