What Happens When Children Make it Hard to Love Them?

Dressed in a black shirt, black pants, and pointy dress shoes, Angel walks into the busy restaurant and takes a seat in a corner booth. He takes the menu from the server and orders a glass of water. His 53-year-old green eyes skim the restaurant menu for 10 seconds and then puts it down. He takes a sip at the water and scans the restaurant crowd as if looking for answers from someone. Anyone.
“Jaime,” he blurts out as if compelled to speak. “I got him a job with the district and he lasted three days,” he continues. “But he was getting high at work and got fired.” He launches his body forward as if to confess a painful secret. “He just couldn’t stop!”
Angel’s son, Jaime is a rehabilitated heroin addict and his fast descent into addiction cost Angel his marriage and his savings.
A father of four boys and one girl, Angel works as a janitor for the Orange County School District where he’s been for almost 30 years. His wife Veronica worked full time too. But despite their busy work lives, they always found time to be actively involved in their local church, where Angel played guitar and Veronica sang. They also kept their children busy in sports and church activities.
They were a tight knit, god-fearing, American family.

In 2014, just before the Christmas season Angel and Jaime began to argue about money. Angel demanded his money back; money, that Jaime had stolen from him to buy expensive things online and for which he paid hundreds of dollars and sold for a fraction of that. Jaime had also stolen his sister’s iPhone and his younger brother’s most expensive toys. He had taken valuable items from the family. So, Angel demanded his money back, but Jaime didn’t have it. He had spent it on drugs.
Looking back at that moment, Angel doesn’t remember who threw the first punches. All he remembers is falling to the floor while Jaime jumped on him hitting his face repeatedly. Angel punched back, but Jaime was taller and stronger. Sustaining blow after blow, Angel managed to stand up. Blood gushing from his nose, he pushed Jaime toward the door and yelled, “Get out of my house.”
“It was a hard time for the family. For me, for his mother,” Angel says. “I feel bad saying it now, but at that time, I wished he was dead. I did. I wished he was dead,” he repeats as if shocked by the sound of it, but still confident about his choice of words. “I just wanted it all to end.”
But that dreadful night wouldn’t be the end of it. It wouldn’t be the end of the police visits to his front door. It wouldn’t be the end of the calls from collectors. It wouldn’t be the end of midnight calls from the hospital. Or the end of the arguments, or the fights, or the restless nights fearing the worst.
And the worst did come.
Angel was in debt.
Jaime had maxed out his credits cards. And the only way for Angel to get the money back would be to press charges against Jaime. If he did, the bank told him, he would get the thousands of dollars back into his account. Angel remembers his pressure rising and his heart sinking. For better or for worse, he could not send his own child to jail. He couldn’t denounce his son to the authorities. He couldn’t, and he wouldn’t. He decided not to press charges. Yes, he hated him, and he wanted him dead, but perhaps anger was clouding his mind. But in the end, he was still his father, and Jaime was still his son.
Angel and Jaime’s relationship was not always this bad.
Angel recalls the time when Jaime was a freshman in high school, when he was the star of the class, getting mostly A’s and Bs and making the baseball and soccer teams. They’d spent fun days together playing soccer and going out to the movies as a family.
“I’ve always liked the family role,” Angel confesses. “I was the one to get up in the middle of the night and feed them when they were babies. I did this with all of them,” He says.
An All-Star baseball player in high school, Jaime quickly got the attention of well-to-do girls and friends who “liked to party.” He would spend the night at his friend’s house during school days, drinking and getting high.
“He was a good kid,” Angel says. He just got into bad company. “I guess it went up to his head. All the attention he was getting,” he adds.
Then, the stealing began. He would steal his mom’s jewelry, his sister’s electronics, his little brother’s toys. And this went on for years.
Rena, Jaime’s sister doesn’t talk to her brother. “He stole everything I had of value. And he caused so much suffering,” she says. I didn’t want him as a brother.
And then things got worse and worse. Angel’s altercations with Jaime caused resentment between Angel and his wife Veronica. They too would fight. “She didn’t like me being hard on him,” he said. “I really don’t know what she expected me to do.”
Veronica and Angel eventually separated and went their own way. After the divorce Angel stopped talking to Jaime for years.
But a year ago, Jaime, now 28-years-old got apprehended stealing a car and was sent to jail. The judge gave him the option of doing rehab or staying in jail. He chose rehab.
That’s when Jaime called Angel.
“He is my son, I couldn’t say no,” Angel says.
With the support of Angel, Jaime spent six months in rehab and got out a different man. He got a job with a landscape company and he’s been clean for four months.
Angel is afraid that without his support, Jaime will go back to using drugs.
“I have to be there for him when he needs me,” Angel says. “We only have each other now.”
Note: Jaime didn’t want to be interviewed for this story. I relied mostly on Angel’s testimony and on Rena’s (Jaime’s sister) interview.
