SG 2016_ Youth Lagoon & Depress etc.

I had a half productive day.. still thinking about what i am here for. I found a person i tend to be fond of even though i try not to like too much, maybe this covers large part of the reason now that i am gonna be here for a good while anyways.. i am thinking about colleagues and work as well. I had very clear background for coming over here. I kind of knew this kind of ‘semi-ennui’ will happen anyways this is typically me, but this doesnt mean i can get over that easy.

David Bowie said from the film, my life is not a secret but it s private. I am really private person i guess.. and i dont want to mingle some of my personal life with work stuff. I work hard ..maybe way too hard sometimes and i am okay with it. But when it comes to non-work stuff, i never want to mix it. I just dont even want to think about work at all even though i kind of like what i do.. but then still, i should admit that most of my self esteem comes from the work/work places.. so the situation like these days continues for a long time, i would definitely be suffering big time. I am afraid of that. In that case i wont even think about my private life either because that privacy also comes from the physical/emotional(this is more important) stability of my work.

Anyways, i am really trying to settle down here.. i ran a few models today and went for a walk. The nite sight at the park was amazing. Youth Lagoon was just the spot on and it had to be the soundtrack of today. I walked and walked, never thought about anything. I think i had this inner tranquility for at least 30 mins or so until got out of there when i finally felt so depressed from the remainder of this week and also the work. I am also supposed to finish one big stuff by today and i would really love to finish it without much noise.

I thought about tiger as well. I thought about diary by Chuck Palaniuk that i barely resumed to read since a few days ago.. like how depressing the whole setting and the tone of the writing are. I also thought about skateboarding .. but at the end of the day this work kept creeping on me head. I will never get away with this unless i become confident of what i do. This dark tunnel seems too long. I really need to drive through faster..