Trump, have a laugh before it’s too late.

Numb & Number
The Haven
Published in
3 min readJun 19, 2020
Take me to your Leader

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Trump and Melania are at the Taj Mahal when in India. Melania says when are you going to build me a monument- Trump replies “ You, ain’t dead yet”.

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What John Bolton missed in his book;

Trump takes HCQ as it makes poop fluoresce, so even his crap stands out.

Melania always makes her maid spray eau de clown whenever he gets within social distance of her.

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Trump sent away his DNA for ancestry testing and the results came back that 99% of his genome is Orange-skin and 1 % Redskin, now he’s going to sue.

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The scene is Melania’s bedroom, our hero disrobes and proclaims when studying himself in the full length mirror, ‘ an inch more and I could really be POTUS’ whilst he pouted. Holding his head high silently for minutes like he does at his rallies trying to listen for applause and not trying to look like a Meerkat on surveillance duty.

Melania looks up in her usual barren marriage look. The kind of look she gives him in public and retorts- ‘An inch less and you could really be the first female POTUS’

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What is the collective noun for Trumps Tweets?… A Twat!

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The vivisectionists and animal rights defenders have finally been successful. Congress and the Senate have voted to allow the Trumps to be used instead of monkeys. They are starting with agent orange and bleach. Now nobody is complaining!

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Trump has been taken to hospital for an arsehole transplant-

Breaking News,

Kayleigh McEnany has just announced that the arseholes rejected him.

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3 scientists socially distant at a bar, an American an Israeli and a Russian discuss the advances made in medicine by their respective nations. The Russian says that they did a heart, lung and liver transplant on a patient and in a year, he was working at his regular job as a fitness instructor. Why that’s nothing says the Israeli, we did a brain transplant on a lecturer and in 6 months she was back teaching. Y’all says the American that’s nothing, we transplanted a c**t into the White House and within a month 25 million were looking for work.

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I walked into a bar in Washington DC and overheard a conversation about how one of them had attended Trump rally, another said why he had gotten his autograph at a casino. Stop right there folks, let me tell you of the time that I met with the Donald. I was in my golf cart in Mar-e-Largo when in the distance I saw the orange one approaching me with great speed. When he pulled alongside he pulled out 2 guns. He said;

Dude get off your cart, so I get off my cart as he has 2 guns and I have none. He says take off your trousers dude, so I take off my trousers as he has 2 guns and I have none. He says take a shit dude, so I take a shit because he has 2 guns and I have none. He says dude eat your shit, so I eat my shit because he has 2 guns and I have none.

The Donald he laughs so much that he drops his guns, quick as a flash, I pick up his guns.

Get off your cart, I say to Donnie, so he gets off his cart because I have 2 guns and he has none. I say take off your trousers Donnie, so he takes off his trousers because I have 2 guns and he has none. I say take a shit Donnie, so he takes a shit because I have 2 guns and I have none. I say eat your shit Donnie, so he eats his shit because I have 2 guns and he has none.

Listen folks you talk of the MAGA Trump, why I have had dinner with the man!

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What is the difference between Trump and a Zombie? One doesn’t drink covfefe.

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