Adventure: Our Approach To Life Influences Our Experiences And Family

Frederick Johnston
Sep 5, 2018 · 6 min read
Originally posted at FJWriting.com

One of the writers that I occasionally check in on is Marcus Brotherton. Brotherton is an accomplished author and editor and often writes about leadership, in particular about how everyday folks like you and I can become strong leaders and lead lives of excellence. His material is filled with hosts of solid examples, excellent observations, and real-life profiles of leaders and heroes. He has an obvious affinity for, and written often about, the members of America’s Greatest Generation, particularly men and women who served in the armed forces during World War II.

Recently I came upon an article by Brotherton written in 2011. (I know 2011, can you believe it? That’s ages ago! Did I find it on a papyrus scroll??) One of the aspects that I like most about Brotherton’s work is that much of it is evergreen content. Because he’s writing about important, foundational things in our lives, his observations carry relevance beyond their publication date or surrounding newsreel at the time. In the article, Brotherton relays an incident between a stranger and his young son, Zach, who was three years old at the time. All three of them were in the checkout line at a bookstore and this stranger, an elderly woman, was laughing with and making funny faces at Zach while they waited. Smiling, the elderly woman turned to Brotherton and said to him: “You’re going to have so much fun raising your son.”

It’s Not A Problem

As Brotherton did, I had to pause and reflect on that line. As a father, I am too often aware that I approach parenting as a stressful activity that needs a resolution as quickly as possible. Too often I have approached the daily tasks of parenting as a checklist, attempting to work the most efficient, standard operating procedure to get the household logistics done, to solve the “problem”. But such a perspective is woefully inaccurate and insufficient. Raising our children should be fun. Our children are not simply a collection of checklists, why would we approach their lives like its one? Parenting is not drudgery; children are a blessing, a purpose, and in many ways, a family is a great adventure.

Raising kids is the same as everything else we encounter in life: our experience of it is in large part determined by our attitude and outlook. In a recent conversation, a friend of mine was wistfully relaying his desire for “…one last adventure!” in his life. This man already has several children. I pointed out that “This is the adventure. Those kids, that home, this is the adventure; this is the important work.” And it goes a step further than just parenting, it is a question about how we approach our daily life. It is a question of the fundamental outlook we have for ourselves and our households: are we embarked on an adventure or not?

Compartmentalized Lives

We separate our lives into compartments: these things are fun, but these things are not. I have to do some of the latter tasks to gain the opportunity to do some of the former activities. Problem + solution = contentment. This is the “formula” that we often try to apply to different areas of our life. But life is not an algorithm or a checklist of debits and credits. Too often we see our finances, education, work, and relationships all as problems that need to be overcome, or as merely temporary means to a future, greater end.

Often this future end goal is not much more than a vague idea of success, comfort, and happiness. We are often unable to even clearly express what the goals are which we are seeking with all of our fuss, worry, and effort. We need to remember that our current activities and responsibilities are not hurdles but instead part of an ongoing adventure in which we get to play the leading role. We need to demonstrate to our children what it means to live a holistic and full life, not a compartmentalized set of activities. If our own lives do not excite us, we are sadly missing out.

Life As An Adventure

As Brotherton correctly points out in his article, life should be viewed as an adventure, not a problem to be solved. And like all true adventures, we do not know the ending. Full, deep lives, the lives that we should covet and seek to live; these lives are filled with purpose, clarity, and a sense of adventure. And they are by necessity open-ended. Individuals who lead such lives, who approach their own days as a grand story unfolding, do not yet know the rest of their own story. That’s the beauty of it.

And yet while these individuals may not be clear about the ending, they are typically very clear about what is important to them for the journey; what makes up their First Things in life. By knowing these priorities and having this foundational outlook, they are free to enjoy their lives. When we view our lives as an exciting and interesting story, which unfolds each and every day, the daily hubbub and inconveniences lose their poignancy and power over us. The good, vibrant moments grow a bit stronger and the bumps in the road are merely minor detours on a rich and varied path. An attitude of adventure is optimism at its strongest.

A Brighter Future

Vainly, our society attempts to emotionally reinforce a bright future for our kids with idle platitudes and pithy phrases but these are empty words and are not solid foundations. Today, we live in a world of unparalleled opportunities. We naturally want our children to be more successful and happier than ourselves, we want them to have opportunities that we either did not get or neglected to take. But what we deeply want is our children to step out boldly into the world and experience this wide span of possibilities.

We currently live in a world which is blessed with the benefit of unbounded optimism (this has not been the norm for the average person in history), and we should be sure not to squander blessings and opportunities by being wound up about all the small stuff. It is a disservice to ourselves and our children if we shuffle dully through our lives as if we carried the world on our shoulders and never paused to contemplate how much is possible for us. If we want our kids to be adventurers, they need to see that same quality in us. If our lives are full of fuss, worry, stress, and bother…then guess what? That is likely what our children will become as well: fearful, hesitant, and detached. If we desire a brighter future for our children, then part of our responsibility is to demonstrate to them an attitude which seeks such a place.

How We Can Accomplish This

I’ll leave you with a few ideas and thoughts on how one might cultivate this spirit of adventure in our lives and how we can exhibit it to our children, so that (hopefully) they too can move forward in their own lives with a degree of resolve, excitement, and a measure of true fun filling their days.

Not sweating all the small stuff. Most of us live in a world increasingly dominated (at least on the surface) by what can be characterized as “First World” problems.* The delay at the checkout line, the bank website being down for maintenance, the “Check Engine” light illuminating the dash; issues of affluence and convenience. Let’s not worry about the small things, the issues or annoyances which are only relevant because we have accumulated such resources that we are free to be bothered.

This too shall pass. We need to remember that where we are now is likely not where we will end up. The struggles, annoyances, and setbacks are not permanent. The person that we are today will not be the same as the person that we are becoming. Time, like an ever-rolling stream, will continue carrying us onward.

Having an outlook of joy. Adventures have setback and troubles, but regardless and in spite of that, why do adventurers set out in the first place? They move forward for the sheer joy of it. They move forward to see what will happen next. And they enjoy the journey as much (or more so) than the destination. There is little in life that can stand up to the power of joy.

Moving Forward:

Do you approach life as an adventure to be lived?

Do you consciously exhibit that attitude and outlook to your children and community?

*As I wrote this piece, I realized that one of my children had tied my laptop power cord in a knot around a broken, plastic coat hanger, necessitating that I disentangle the whole mess in order to use the cord and continue writing. I had to re-read my own words above to gain perspective on how I should react.


Originally published at https://fjwriting.com on September 5, 2018.

Frederick Johnston

Written by

Lifelong writer and researcher, often can be found at FJWriting.com, pursuing a life well lived

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