Simple rules to improve listening skills
I believe that listening to others is an art that is more important than to speak clearly, especially when working in a team. I also think that simple things are more effective than complex ones because they are easy to understand.
What do I do when listening to music? I hear sounds, recognize rhythms and feel emotions. What do I think is very much depends on my mood, health, memories, place, time and people. Listening to music is following a musical story. I can’t control my emotions attached to a musical story.
What do I do when watching somebody drawing a picture? A good artist would start with a little detail… and I say, “Oh, this a face, because I see an eye.” “Hold on” — the artist says… and he draws a butterfly… on a poster… on a bus stop… on the street… looking at a beach… which is a tattoo… on a barmen’s shoulder… at a nightclub… where he met his lovely girlfriend. Watching an artist is like following a visual story. I can’t know what the final picture would be.
What do I do when listening to someone? I follow his story, look to my emotions, map the story to my experience, think about something related to the story. When I don’t like my feelings, I could stop listening. When I feel that I know the story I could stop listening. When I think the story is too long, tedious or complicated, I could stop listening. Basically, instead of just listening and understanding I‘m distracted by many things. Well, I can do better and here is a list of basic rules I draw to myself to be a better listener:
- Ignore emotions. They distract from a story.
- People talk like artists drawing. One line here, one there. Listen to a whole story.
- When a story finished, return the story — talk it through or ask questions. The story author would appreciate somebody listened to him. He could also make corrections.
- When not returning a story is so frustrating. Feels like “I don’t listen to you. Whatever you say I have a better idea.”
- Returning “no…”, “but…”, “and…” is even worse. Ask salespeople why and never do it.
- It is not possible to listen and think at the same time. You could try to listen to a podcast and to count pocket money simultaneously. Write down what you’ve remembered from the podcast and listen again. You’d be surprised how much you’ve missed. Listen to a story first, think, then return it.
- You have much fewer chances to be brainwashed when listening, thinking, returning. For example, salespeople know this trick with the repetitive pattern of “yes”. When listen to the whole story and then start thinking you wouldn’t fall into this trap.
I don’t claim any copyrights for these rules. I apply them myself, and I know, there is a considerable room for improvement, but they help me. Then why not to share it with you?
