Okay, gonna lay it all out.
- Of course you can comment on any article. I’m just trying to figure out what value your comment brings to people who read it. What does it accomplish? Why? Her story felt powerful to me. It allowed her to let people in to how she has lost her ability to show her identity freely due to the shitty world we live in that makes the fear of sexual aggression, assault, and rape powerful enough to change our actions.
- I agree. Men face terrible expectations as well. I never would deny that, and believe that working toward gender equality means that both women and men get the ability to have the freedom to choose their paths without constraints based on sex/gender/etc. Although I’m not sure I fully understand what you meant by dealing with “being judged for being the best”? Could you explain more?
- You can choose. You have a plethora of choices. Yes, there is a stigma against men being stay at home parents/etc. which I think is awful and should be changed. I agree, men have a far limited wardrobe to choose from and I think it would be great if we destigmatized men who enjoy fashion or want to wear something that is more/less in line with masculine clothing.
- At the end of the day, these articles aren’t blaming “men” as in guys like you or “other men” as you put it. It’s blaming the system: patriarchy, which does come from a place of giving men (relatively, obviously not all men, rich vs poor etc. etc.) higher positions of power. Its what makes you suffer stuff like toxic masculinity that punishes men for not being man enough as well as the terrible experiences women go through. Sadly, a great majority of the bullshit women have gone through has come from men abusing this power to punish women such as in the terrible ways the original article’s writer explained, and after a while, even the guys who aren’t saying the things, but who are also not shutting this down when they can become part of the problem. It isn’t only men either, women often support patriarchy as much as men at times, hence why some women still want guys to protect them/pay for them/etc. Everyone has been raised in this system and unless they take the time to look around, notice “hey, this isn’t quite right” and pursue the why it isn’t quite right then they will continue to support the way things are. Humans don’t like change, even if it has the potential to benefit them.
- Lastly, to address your comment on the white man in a suit/privilege notion you brought up. Yeah, its not easy to be human. Everyone has shit going on. At the most basic level, all bringing up privilege means it that you acknowledge that you come from a position where you might have advantages over people intrinsically. I’m not saying you should be ashamed to be white or male, don’t! That would be awful, don’t feel ashamed to be you! I bet that suit is awesome! But just be aware that people have been through different things, so if you disagree with something, maybe think about why. Sadly, you haven’t, and can’t really, go through the exact experiences of other people, so what they deal with might not always resonate with you. Just like how I can’t 100% know what its like to go through your life. Maybe you came from a poor background, or have an illness that makes it tough to do a lot in a day. Perhaps your family doesn’t support you. Maybe you’re gay. There are plenty of categories you might not be the highest in that I might have privilege over you even.