Being Single Is Hard
Emma Lindsay

There is a reason for what I’m about to share:

I did many things before I eventually discovered the lady who I married. I traveled, I learned to scuba dive, I learned to fly, I brewed beer, and many more things. But I was miserable. Most of those things were stuff I did on my own.

I met the lady I later married through one of those blind date newspaper personals ad. We were introducing ourselves to each other over dinner, when I casually mentioned that I like to play harmless practical jokes. I had a realistic plastic foot with a pants leg that I could put next to a filing cabinet to make it look as if the cabinet had fallen on someone.

She smiled, and said, “Well, I have the arm.” And then she described how she would put the arm in those freight elevator doors at the department store where she set up displays. That’s when I decided that I had to get to know her better. The arm and the leg were present at our wedding, 20 years ago. There have been three children since then.

Being date-able means not just taking care of yourself, but sharing with others. That’s what brings about intimacy (not just sexual intimacy but emotional, physical, spiritual, etc.). You will need that intimacy, and that give and take, many times over if you decide to raise children.

Your essay reads as if this is all about self improvement. You’ve done those things. Do something for others. Learn to accept from others. That’s what builds the intimacy of touch, and the mental intimacy that you seek.

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