Dear Bryan Stevenson: Graduation Reflections

When you came to speak at my Wesleyan’s 184th Commencement ceremony, I was in a distant haze.

I barely slept. Friends, I really tried to pull an all-nighter with you. Promise!

I was sweating in my robe. It should have been cold and rainy, it was HOT and scary.

I was long done.

I finished college a semester early because I needed to save some money. Wesleyan is small enough that we only have one ceremony per year and so I patiently waited until commencement weekend to earn my diploma.I spent all weekend small-talking about how “real life” my new real life is. Yes, I like my job. It pays the bills. Yes, I moved in with my boyfriend to my first apartment in Manhattan. I know — big moves, big moves. Yes, NYC is very expensive indeed. I needed that reminder.

I already said my goodbyes to the beautiful university in Middletown, CT. I already walked through all of the buildings I would miss, thinking about how I’ll miss studying on this street and miss partying on that street. I already threw my own goodbye party. I parted ways in tears.

I reflected, I blogged, I cried. I planned and planned and planned until I had no questions about the future. I worked very hard to feel prepared for “real life” and to feel confident about graduating.

Your Speech

Hearing your speech is suddenly waking from a long dream to be excited for the morning.

As soon as you started talking, I wasn’t tired. I wasn’t uncomfortably sweating. I wasn’t close to being done.
 You reminded me about my favorite part of Wesleyan — the hopeful social entrepreneurs.

You not only made me regret leaving early this great place where speeches like yours can be heard, with such great people, but also you made me reconsider my whole “real life” reality.

I didn’t just love your speech — I needed it.

Your Ask

Bryan Stevenson, thank you for being brave enough to speak at my small white rich private university. Thank you for being brave and revolving your life around making a change. Thank you for asking us to change the world.

You listed only some of the ways “real life” sucks. The percentage of people in prisons. The racism. The sexism. Post-genocidal America.

Unfortunately, I don’t need that reminder. It takes a very short amount of time to experience racism, sexism and straight-up trauma in Manhattan as a short tan Eastern-European Jewish business woman. The world is challenging and it’s surrounding all of us.

My community at Wesleyan and home, we work our butts off to make the world a better place. I am surrounded by all kinds of people who want to use their privilege and intelligence for social good.

So many of us participate in heated discussions about all of these issues.

We volunteer, we help, we care.

You should have stopped by the Patricelli Center of Social Entrepreneurship Commencement Reception to truly understand how caring Wesleyan students are (but I bet you already knew that, that’s why you spoke to us!)

So, to be honest, I’m not thanking you for surprising me. Or for enlightening me.

I am thanking you for asking me to change the world and then explaining how I should go about doing that.

I am a planner. I need to check things off in my lists to feel their impact. I write down when , after work, I’ll work on this Flawless and First initiative to help first-gen women. And then I keep my written word and make it happen.

Changing the world always seemed unattainable for me because I never knew what plan to make.

Step 1 — Get passionate.

Step 2 — Get angry?

Step 3 — ???.

Step 4 — Change the world?

And so, I focused on a plan I could make.

Step 1 — Find a good-enough-paying job while working on social good side projects.

Step 2 — Make money and learn business, networking, finance.

Step 3 — Use my new resources to make an impact.

While you were speaking, in those powerful and quite literally toasty moments, I made a new plan. I reflected on the four action items you demanded from me and I held on to each word. In my half a year in the “real world”, have I really worked towards changing anything?

By the end of your speech, I decided to keep myself accountable to my (then,silent) promise to you.

SO here it is.

Here is me making my list, there for everyone to see. Here is to me checking that list off consistently.

I thank us, me and you, in advance, for holding me accountable.

I will act on your four action items. Here’s how :

Get Proximate

• I moved from my pretty private wealthy white university on the welcoming weed-smelling hill to NYC. Here, I will continue to live and be frequently exposed to the communities I hope to help.

Change the Narrative

• Right now, I’m working on changing the narrative for first-generation women. The narrative I heard all my life is of these beautiful-sexy-housewife-mother figures-weak-female-immigrants. My Eastern-European immigrant friends and I will not stop until the narrative includes Flawless-Powerful-Strong-Badass-Bosses.
• How? Growing the Flawless and First Community.

Be Hopeful

• I will surround myself with people who bring me up, not push me down. I will be around those who inspire me to change the world, who can’t accept a world where we don’t try to change it.
• How? Every week, I will reach out to someone who is working on making a social change and I will maintain those important connections. I will empower people to be hopeful themselves.

Do Uncomfortable Things

• Instead of waiting until I’m comfortably wealthy enough to dabble in making a “real” impact, I will better utilize my resources to make an impact faster.
• How? I will use the resources I can — my strong and weak links and my time — tirelessly. I will work on this initiative as much as I can whether after work or in the mornings. Sometimes I am afraid to speak up and make big asks, like you did last weekend. I will no longer be afraid to ask for other people’s resources. I will unite the first-generation women around me. It is uncomfortable to publicize this initiative before I am “ready” but I will take advantage of the timing to share this after graduation.

Thank you Bryan Stevenson!

For reminding me about who I am at the core.

For giving words for why I want to make an impact.

And for, most significantly, laying out the plan for HOW I will do it.

I didn’t expect to be blown away by the ceremony but I was and I am thankful that you spoke at my graduation.

It was a meaningful gift.

Please continue to hold my generation accountable and I hope next time we meet, I will confidently say “Our world is a challenging place and I am changing it”.

Best,

Katya

_______

Bryan Stevenson, I hope you read my letter and hold me accountable.

Everyone else, please join us to make a change.

Click here to listen to the speech (not just read it, listen to it and reflect!)

http://newsletter.blogs.wesleyan.edu/2016/05/22/bryanstevenson2016/