Recovering from Loneliness
Depicting loneliness is one of the hardest thing to do. It’s subjective — different people might feel a different kind of loneliness. Some people feel lonely because they’re abandoned, some people feel lonely because those around them don’t reach the expectation they had, while others just decide to be alone.
With all the things I’ve gone through growing up, I’m not surprised that I became someone that felt being by myself is the best option. Though with who I actually am, I craved for intimacy and security. I chased after people I couldn’t have, hoping that fate would say otherwise. I helped people, a little bit too much than needed, because it felt good to be acknowledged. And I smiled way too much, when in truth my emotions were sealed from other people, not wanting them to see how broken up or how angry I was.
As I got older, I tried to change all of that. I still have love for people whom I cannot reach, but I don’t chase them. I say yes on helping others, but when I can’t, it’s easier for me to say no.And I let my emotion out better, letting people know when it’s not okay. All of this I do so I can heal myself. I try to focus on what I needed to fix within me than to just serve other people and let them be content while I suffer.
But still, to this day, there are still some days when that lonely feeling comes haunting me. Feeling abandoned, side-lined, unneeded. It’s all a healing process and I do hope that with time, these feelings will get away entirely. And to you who’s feeling the same, I pray for your recovery too. By reading this, just know that you’re not so alone after all.
