Keyboard warrior or keyboard coward?
The definition of a keyboard warrior: “A person who makes abusive or aggressive posts on the Internet, typically one who conceals their true identity.”
The term “keyboard warrior” has always bothered me. The word warrior is an empowering word, referring to someone who fights the good fight, trys to accomplish great things and protect the ones they love. It doesn’t accurately describe people who actually hide behind a screen and use remote communications to torture innocent people anonymously.
You may wonder why I am talking about this when I so often write about body image and body positivity but I will tell you now, keyboard warriors (or trolls as some call them) are absolutely the cause of most of my body image anxiety.
This struck me most acutely recently when I watched Jesy Nelson’s Odd One Out documentary. I have to say, I balled my eyes out. So much of what she said and experienced felt so familiar. I couldn’t believe how much she had to change herself, I mean her physical self, to try and feel accepted.
Take it from me — I was bullied most of my teenage life. It almost always came out of nowhere; girls at my school just decided to pick on me…and pick on me… and pick on me. And it was always superficial, always about what I looked like. You’re told that words can’t hurt you but they do. What the girls said to me was cruel and they knew exactly what they were doing.
Girls would shout, jeer and laugh at me for the fashion choices I made or they would sneer at me if they thought I was wearing too much makeup. I just wanted to try to look pretty. The worst experience I had with these bullies was when I was fourteen and finally beginning to feel a little happier in my skin. I had a great group of friends and we began hanging out with some of the boys in our year, which, to a fourteen year old, was a huge deal. I remember sitting on the school playing field with my group of friends and seeing the “popular” girls all staring and laughing at me. You just know when you’re being talked about. One of the girls, I guess the girl who had been nominated to come and tell me some home truths, came over, demanding to speak to me in front of everyone. She then proceeded to outline every single insecurity I had about myself in front of my friends. She said things like: “Why do you think it’s ok to wear that low cut top with your boobs hanging out, why are you wearing make-up, you’ll never be pretty. You really need to work on the types of clothes you wear because they’re not flattering”. And this tortuous humiliation went on and on and on. I just stood there in silence, shocked at what I was hearing. And then the girl left and went back to her pack of wolves who all proceeded to laugh.
I don’t know what I did to deserve this treatment. I don’t know why these particular girls thought it okay to be unbelievably cruel in a way that still affects me now but all I can think is thank God social media wasn’t as prevalent then as it is now. I’m not surprised vulnerable people feel utterly depressed and suicidal because you really do think, is this all I’m worth?
The sad truth is, “keyboard warriors” existed long before social media did. The new communication platforms just created a larger opportunity for it. The same bullies I mentioned earlier were absolute trolls, in contemporary parlance. They ruined my Yearbook picture by changing my quote from “Life’s a bitch, deal with it” to “Bitch. Deal with it”.
Can you imagine if these girls had had social media during this time? The impact could have been even worse.
This is what needs to stop.
People need to stop being nasty to one another, hiding behind their screens thinking they’re super cool for being unbelievable cruel to innocent people. It’s changing and ruining lives and these words, as flippant as they may seem to the people writing/saying them, do have an enormous impact on the people they target.
I used to hate wearing low cut tops or attention-grabbing clothing because I would always remember and fear what the bullies might say. Even writing this blog now has upset me, bringing back the painful memories of a time I will never get back. The reason why I went to University away from my home in north London is because I couldn’t wait to get some distance between me and these people. They represented an extremely difficult and negative part of my life and I needed to remove myself from their reach. I’ve only recently stopped getting anxiety now walking through my home neighbourhood on the off chance I might bump in to one of them.
My reason for writing this is to assure people who have been and are still being bullied that they are not alone. I want to let any vulnerable and insecure person know that they are part of an army which is stronger than the bullies. Together we cannot be broken. We are the warriors. These trolls, whatever shape or form they may come in, are not keyboard warriors, they are keyboard cowards. Perhaps we should be charitable and consider that maybe they are going through bad experiences themselves and they feel the need to pass on their own darkness to someone they consider weaker than themselves.
So, my message is: if you are feeling alone, broken and have dark thoughts then please talk to someone. You have friends, parents, teachers and so many helplines, charities and support organisations available — use them.
I say, don’t be broken by cruel words, stand strong like the warrior you are.
