What I was doing as a kid…

For some reason I was always busy with thinking about death when I was younger — around the age of 7/8. I was wondering whether I would go somewhere, or what would happen when I would die. These thoughts kept me awake for hours and hours — it often resulted in crying so my parents had to comfort me. Sure, that isn’t really strange for my age — the crying though. Thinking about death was quite rare, because I barely reached ten per cent of my expected age of death. Yet, it kept me busy and still, sometimes, even though I turned 18 recently, I think about the possibility of the existing of an afterlife and how much I want to believe in it, I cannot get myself to share that opinion with others. It just feels so unbelievable that there is some nice place, with nice music where happiness is the only possible feeling. And I know about the stories told by people who’ve experienced a ‘near-death experience’. They all reported of a place full of peace and a warm, bright light with beautiful music, but isn’t that just an imagination created by the brain to be able to bear the process of dying?

These questions have remained unanswered so far and how much I’d like to have — and share — one, I’m afraid it will remain so during my life. On the other hand I could ask myself, do I really want to know if there is something afterwards? While writing this last sentence, I remember a Netflix Original movie I saw recently: The Discovery. The movie was about a world, where a professor just discovered that there ís an afterlife and he has gathered evidence to support his claims. Knowing this, the number of suicides exploded. Many people were killing themselves when there was just one tiny setback in their lives. The story intrigued me and somewhere it won’t surprise me if this would happen in real life, when an afterlife would be discovered.

In the years between my eighth birthday and my eighteenth birthday I had moments of being busy with loads of stuff except death, and I had moments of being extremely busy with death. Nowadays, I just try to enjoy life as much as possible and I am not often busy anymore with the idea of dying. I think in some way I accepted it — if it waits for at least nine decades of course. And honestly, I have to say that I’m feeling so much better not being busy with all these things I shouldn’t be busy with. There is one important thing I learned in my teenager years: no matter what will happen after your life on earth, you should just get the most out of your life and enjoy the little moments, that can be far more touching than the huge catastrophes.

Post scriptum — so yeah, this was my first try of posting something. I’m Dutch and I’m not the best writer in English and I decided to write this to perhaps improve my English. If you have any corrections, tips, critics on what I wrote, just let me know.