It was in the summer of 2011 that I finally awoke.
Though the fictitious reality of time has disappeared along with the fictitious reality of a separate self, now both just existing as a shorthand for communication rather than a reality, a totality.
And the awakening — that gentlest of self and reality shattering explosions — was completely unexpected, a complete shock — for at that disintegrated and degraded time — jobless homeless and lost in the blood and feces awashed gutter of society — I had completely given up on the idea and pursuit of such things that I had so furiously pursued in previous stages.
In fact, I had always thought of the concept the reality of a permanent state of awakening to be a myth, a delusion, a lie.
While I had experienced states that corresponded to the ones I had read about in the stacks of books that surrounded me towered over me threatened to engulf me during the period of The Search, I never thought that one could permanently transfigure one’s self into such a state. Instead, I thought such states were impermanent — at best to be switched like a television channel or changed like a camera filter.
Ecstatic and expansive states to be soared to and returned from with some new knowledge of self and reality — but always returning in the end to that reality and self that was just a prison invisible, never guessing the real purpose of such states, of my life, of yours.
It didn’t happen like I had read about.
When it came to awakening it was like most — if not all — experiences at this current stage of human development — the awakening experience of the virtual conceptual reality that has been substituted for the living experiental reality — had little to do with what actually happened, what it actually is.
Initially there was no ecstatic explosion or peaceful cessation by simply looking at a flower, meditating under a tree or being struck down on a road to somewhere.
In fact it was nothing like I could have ever expected.
In the most mundane rounds of a mundane life.
I thought I was going to die.
And I did.
The I that I thought I was.
Was violently exploded, ripped apart, dismembered.
I underwent a process — an ordeal — of unbelievable and unutterable agonies as my former self down to literally every cell of my bodymind was deconstructed destroyed and I was reconstructed recreated until I was reborn as the self I really was.
My True Self.
Which is your True Self. Your reason for existence. Your true purpose. Your destiny.
And it is the most divine ecstasy. The most complete peace and understanding. Infinite.
Of course this destiny is not the one that has been offered to you.
You are not here to simply be a debt slave and a beast of burden, fruitlessly trying to ease your agony with mindless ephemeral entertainments, a consumer rube and mark for the totalitarian merchant end of history.
You are Gods.
You are here to become