WHY YOU SHOULD HAVE SEX WITH OLDER WOMEN
Originally published on British GQ online here
Monica Bellucci in Spectre is the oldest Bond gir… excuse us, woman to do the dirty with Bond, at the age of 51 - several years 007’s senior. Fancy making like Bond and seducing an older sophisticated Lady? Get in line.
Women marrying younger men
One of the most notable cultural examples of women marrying younger men is the case of Seymour Fleming in 1782, which was recently dramatised in The Scandalous Lady W (with Natalie Dormer playing Fleming).
After an uncomfortable marriage and subsequent scandalous separation from Sir Richard Worsley, Seymour Fleming remarried at the age of 47 to a man 21 years her junior. Letting everyone know who was boss this time round, this husband took her name. We hope the second marriage made up for the miseries of the first. While it’s the norm for men to be the older half, we’re pleased to report that Fleming wasn’t the first (and certainly not the last) to defy stereotypes.
Catherine the Great of Russia, Mae West, Elizabeth Taylor and our very own Good Queen Bess had lovers decades younger than themselves. And they are not alone.
Literature and film have given us countless characterful sexy women showing spry young pups a thing or two. Who will ever forget the stockinged leg of Mrs Robinson, the gap-toothed Wife of Bath in “The Canterbury Tales” or even the seductive wife of Potiphar in the Book of Genesis. And for the original Cougar about town, look no further than Phaedra, wife of Theseus from Greek Mythology.
Reports in the media about women of a certain age hunting for fresh meat make it sound like it’s a new phenomenon. But it simply isn’t. Coo-coo ca-choo to you all.
While sex drive decreases with age, it doesn’t die.
Just ask any one of the growing number of over 55s who have been diagnosed with an STD. This isn’t just true of men, it holds true for women too.
But if menopause signals infertility but not the end of sex, then what’s it for?
Why have female menopause?
Anthropologists have long mused over the longevity of male fertility in comparison to women. Why the female menopause? A possible explanation came from the fieldwork of Professor Kristen Hawkes who was living with the Hadza people in Tanzania in the Eighties.
Describing the grandmothers as “dynamos”, Hawkes noticed their work was vital for survival of the group. She hypothesised that by having a period of life where they were infertile, women were free to concentrate on helping the wider community. The grandmothers helped their daughters to bring up children, increasing their grandchildren’s chances of survival thus adding to their own genetic fitness. According to mathematical modelling, the numbers add up to make evolutionary sense. By having an extended infertile period of life, a woman’s utility increases, benefiting the whole group.
Not so, says evolutionary biologist Dr Rama Singh. Older women are infertile because men find them unattractive! Men are too busy having sex with the new, shinier younger females to bother with the old hags. Unsurprisingly, this phallocentric misogynistic approach provoked a strong reaction.
Many have pointed out that his argument suffers from circular reasoning. And we would like to point out to him the bevy of smoking hot, bangable women post the average menopause age of 45.
And then to Founding Father, Benjamin Franklin, for an enlightening life lesson.
Go for gold
Franklin had sage advice about mistresses: go for gold. In a letter advising a friend who seems was not the marrying sort, he recommended developing a taste for mature, full-bodied women. Seasoned women, he reasoned, are more tender, more grateful of the attention, are more discreet about affairs and not going to get pregnant. He rather poetically added that “in the dark all cats are grey”. Most importantly, because of the experience of their years they would likely be better in the sack.
Jackpot.
Before laying into Franklin about his “cats” comment, we should remember that in 1745 when he wrote this letter, life was much harsher and Crème de la Mer was yet to be bottled. Not to mention that dentists hadn’t cottoned on to the benefits of flossing.
Options for anything other than letting it all hang out were few and far between. We can all thank basic hygiene for keeping us that much more attractive for longer. Thank you, Colgate.
To Catch a Predator
If on your next visit to your local watering hole you happen across a cougar, stay cool. Remember that this is Big Game who probably isn’t into the games of your average 20 something girl.
Treat her with respect and she might have something to teach you.
Happy hunting.
Florence Walker is a contributor to Petrolicious, an occasional diarist for The Times and the London Evening Standard, and is the former Resident Sex Anthropologist at British GQ. You’ll find her everywhere @floxxiewalker
