Breadcrumbs or Misunderstanding.

Part Three (and most probably the end of the story)

It’s been five agonisingly long days since I saw her for probably the last time.

I have thought of nothing else from the moment I wake up.

Looking back over the 9+ years I have known her, on, but mostly off, this is my view of what happened from her perspective.

I like this man he is warm and attentive. He is kind and I like how he makes me feel. I would really like him to make the effort to come and visit me where I work. I have asked him to come several times. What more can I do than leave these breadcrumbs for him to follow.

If he comes, it will show he has an interest in me, and I will make it clear my feelings for him. Then who knows. I understood it was difficult for him to visit me at the out of town shop.

I will waited but he never came. I saw him pass the shop one time but he went past too fast [she told me this the last time I saw her]. I am disappointed he never came in, as I feel this was a lost opportunity for both of us.

I am a realistic person, and while I hoped he would come, I gradually realised he was not going to. I am getting on with my life and now thinking ahead to my future as I am getting older, with my daughter now grown up and independant of me.

Unfortunately, due to my stupidity, I will probably never know how much, if any, of this is true.

Today I went to my regular coffee shop of 11 years for the last time. I sat near the door, so I would not miss her if she came in. I would tell her I need some way of contacting her, so we didn’t lose contact, as there is so much left unsaid. I wanted to tell her.. “It’s not too late.” Even though I do not know what it was too late for.. but hoped it was short for “It’s too late for US” maybe it was just “It’s too late for you to come visit me at the Bakery”

But I knew she wasn’t going to come in. I knew that she wasn’t even in the City. I left the coffee shop, and compulsively did the long walk to her Bakery even though it was Sunday and I knew it would be closed..

The Bakery I knew she no longer worked at…

The Bakery shop she asked me to visit repeatedly…

The shop she worked in every week for six years up until six short months ago…

I can’t seem to let this story end. So today, one week after that meeting, unable to think about anything else, I walked back to the now open Bakery.

I ordered the ‘early special’ of a coffee of my choice and a bacon roll.

I sat in the window seat of the narrow bakery, and imagined her working there.

I even met her replacement and spoke to one of the owners who confirmed she used to be the Manager of the store who had left perhaps six months previously after being there for several years.

He seemed to think she had moved to a more distant part of the country than my recollection of our brief conversation the week before. I was in shock she was no longer in the City and was clearly not listening properly. The owner didn’t say the exact place she had moved to and even if he knew, I was a random walk-in stranger he had never seen before, so why would he tell me.

Not sure if there is anything more I can do, she has a new life, a new start outside of the City, in a more rural setting. I had so many chances I didn’t take. I need to let it go now and let her live this new life.

She probably had friends down there already. People don’t usually move to a strange place unless they either know people there or have a pre-arranged job ready to start.

I really hope she is happy. She totally deserves it.

I did try to look her up on social media but despite her unusual first name, didn’t have enough information to go on. Maybe she doesn’t use it or maybe I am spelling her name incorrectly.

Goodbye Kasin x