Why a 40+ late bloomer is finally taking the plunge (Part 1 of 2)
Recently, I became engaged to J, my boyfriend of nearly 4 years. We had talked now and then about marriage and children and what our lives might look like down the road, but I still wasn’t sure we were both ready for marriage.
While our love for each other was not in doubt, we’d both been uneasy about “until death do us part.” It’s not just that we’d never been with anyone we’d wanted to marry, it’s that the very idea of marriage was both appealing and terrifying. How could we possibly be sure that any one person was “the one”? And if there’s no “the one,” then why get married at all? Hence, both of us waiting until our mid-40’s to take the plunge.
So when J and I drove off one Friday afternoon in July to North Lake Tahoe for a long weekend, I wasn’t thinking about what a lovely location it would make for a proposal. I was thinking only of the crisp air, blue water, lazy days and cozy nights. And it seemed that J was thinking only of those things as well. At least until our third day.
As I waded in the lake near Sand Harbor Beach, my head bobbing on top of the small waves from passing motor boats, I squinted, blurring the sparkles on the water until I felt bathed in sunlight.
On the ride up to Tahoe, I had felt a strange physical anxiety, an odd pressure on top of my chest rather than from inside it. I was clearly stressed out, though I wasn’t entirely sure why. But I knew I needed this long weekend away to relax and regain my balance.
As I closed my eyes in the water, I could feel the anxiety and stress leave my body. I was giving it up to the water, letting it leak out of me to eventually evaporate into the warm air. I thought…
I am happy. Right here, right now, I am happy. Life is good. And I am happy.
And then I felt a sudden urge to share that happiness. I looked to the shore at the just-awoken J who had been sunning himself on our new blue Tahoe beach towels. I waved to him to come join me. He waved back.
A few minutes later, he was wading into the lake, clearly fighting off the cold of the water as it rose against his torso. I laughed at him for keeping his hands outside of the water, making him look like an eccentric. But as he came nearer to me, I stopped laughing abruptly as he put forward one hand and opened it to reveal a small wooden box.
Blinded by the emotions that surged through me, my hands found their way to my open mouth. I tried to capture the moment in my mind’s eye — the moving water, the glistening light, the children playing in the distance, the wonderful little box, and the man I loved speaking the words…
“Will you marry me?”
I would’ve liked to have stopped time to save that moment forever, but I couldn’t wait to get the words out…
“Of course I will.”
And with them, I threw my arms around J’s neck, and kissed him softly. He slid the ring onto my wet finger, and then we “danced” in the water, pushed ever so gently by the ceaseless waves.
Back on the beach, now feeling heavy outside the water, we plopped down onto our waiting towels. I grabbed my phone and took a few selfies to commemorate this very special moment. Though surrounded by other beach-goers, we were in a world of our own. Just us, our promise to each other, and our awaiting future.
And for days afterwards, I couldn’t stop smiling. It was the kind of smile that comes from deep within. It cannot be touched by outside forces. And though I knew the intensity of it would only last a short while, I thought, I am happy. Right here, right now, I am happy. Life is good. And I am happy.
And that happiness is all the sweeter knowing it’s shared.
Originally published on www.fogcitybloomer.com.
