Surely there’s some way to link the accepted use of any term to a user’s profile. Like, “Are you a lesbian that would not be offended by the word “dyke”, or would feel it to be an appropriate term to use yourself in a non-insulting context?”
Might make for a L-O-O-O-N-G profile page, but it would not only remove these issues, but might instill some degree of honesty when making contacts. (At least it would only be read by those expressing approval.) No doubt this is being considered.