Are we there yet?

A smart friend told me last night about a realization she had: make sure you know what you actually want, and take satisfaction from getting it.

How is this news to some people who became middle-aged while they weren’t looking? Well, it’s not, in the main — w’ve always been told to chase our dreams. But it is, in the details — we’ve never been told our dreams are allowed to change. She, like me and possibly, probably, many others, is a creature who is growing — not necessarily growing old, but changing. And the things she used to do, used to love doing and still talks about loving doing, have changed. So now she can just do the new things, right?

Absolutely! But first, she said, she had to stop telling herself the old story of the things she liked doing. And she especially needed to stop feeling bad about not doing those old loves anymore. It is ok to go to bed early if that gives you more joy. It is ok not to dance anymore if you don’t feel like dancing. Don’t let your joy slip away accidentally, but if it isn’t joyful anymore, or you have found increased joy elsewhere, then acknowledge that, live that new joy without regret and especially without some kind of weird guilt that you don’t do the things you loved.

Love gets to change, just like you.

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