forceOfHabit
Nov 4 · 1 min read

I like it, but not much better than the first draft. I inow you didn’t ask for criticism (in the literary sense) so feel free to not even read the following:

There’s so much left unsaid, so much beneath the surface of that moment. Maybe there’s no need to acknowledge the declaration because you both already know its true. Maybe its too scary to acknowledge it because the alternative is too hard to contemplate. Context is so important in life, maybe (sounds like she’s a teenager? ‘cause of the headphones?) she’s having one of those moments where her life sucks and her parents are the worst.

Maybe that’s what you were going for, and your poem is deliberately free of context so the reader can supply for herself a multitude of alternative contexts, but I think maybe that’s expecting a little much. It would seem much deeper to me if you could either hint at some context (without hitting the reader over the head), or the possibility of (subtly?) different perceptions of the same incident.

I guess, in a way, I find your poem too much still water and not enough suggestion of hidden depths; but that’s just me. I’m no poet. I hope the feedback’s relevant, but feel free to completely disregard it.

    forceOfHabit

    Written by

    In time of flood, the well is never deep enough.