My lover is a workaholic. Sometimes I suggest to her that life doesn’t have to be all work and no play; maybe she would like to stop and smell the roses once in a while? I do this because I want her to be happy: her happiness is important to me. Is that selfish on my part, or selfless?
It’s a fine line. I don’t do this all the time: I’m not asking her to change, either for her benefit or mine. I recognize she enjoys what she does, gets a deep satisfaction from it, and also derives a significant part of her identity from it. I’m just reminding her that there are other ways of being if she wants to / is ready to / chooses to explore them. And I’m ready to explore them with her, or walk beside her as she continues down the path she’s on. (And I’m sure she’d do the same for me.)
Is that so different from the situation with your guy?