Sprint 1, Day 10
Did I expect a perfect life?
I don’t know. I don’t think we consciously desire the second best thing. No one wanted to settle for the woman he loved second best or for the job that was second best.
It would be normal to desire the best that one wants. Would getting that make a perfect life or just a perfect mess?
As I had said before, for most of my life I wanted nothing. But now I know I need to want and express my want to feel happy or satisfied. Being alive is to have desire course through your veins and work to manifest it outside of your body; and satisfaction is for that desire, manifested in space and time as separate from you, to collapse into you.
All we ever really want is to feel ourselves. But sometimes we feel so alone in this universe that we can’t feel ourselves. We feel incapable of relating to or being part of the physical life that surrounds us. Trees seem sterile and distant, the wind cold and harsh, people pantomimes and unreal. All becomes distant.