Acceptance to a Friend

“Sex, John. Sex. At this party tonight at Ronnie’s mansion, it’s gonna be a total fuck fest like you’ve never seen. I swear to God, if you don’t go, I will disown you as my best friend. I will sneak into your house when you’re asleep, slice off your built in dildo that the Lord gave you, and throw it out the window if you don’t go to this party.”

“Louie, we’re in the middle of class right now and we’re whispering while Mr. Hawkins is teaching. What the hell, man? Talk to me later about this.”

“Dammit John, no! I refuse to not talk about this now, and Mr. Hawkins is just ripping into another jackass again because he’s bored. Listen, I need an answer from you right now. Ronnie told me about the party and said he needs us to go as his “go-to” guys to say how awesome this rage fest is. C’mon bruh, I need ya to come with me.”

“Bruh listen, I don’t know what has gotten into you man. All of a sudden, you want to get in all this trouble to just be one of the cool guys in our school. We’re in eleventh grade, man. We don’t have too much longer in High School. Why the hell would you sell yourself for shallow friends for shallow reasons? That’s bullshit, Louie. Bullshit. Besides, Ronnie is a complete dick head who used to pick on you because you were the most fattest dude in middle school. No offense, bro.”

“Nah . . . that’s true. It’s just that I want people to freaking like me for once. I don’t care if I have to sell myself for just one night. If it gets people to like me and not just talk to me about how I used to be so fat and retarded looking back then, then I’ll do it dammit.”

“Louie . . . you’re blind man.”

“What? How am I blind?”

“I’ve been your best friend for like EVER, man. I’ve stuck with you since we met in middle school. You helped me with my problems, I helped you with yours. I stood by you when everyone picked on ya, Louie. Don’t you remember? I’m your bro and that should be enough. What’s better? Having one true friend that will be with ya forever or have a group of fake bastards who don’t give a crap about your life and just uses you?”

“ . . . I’m sorry, John. I guess I’ve forgotten how great our bromance is.”

“Yeah man, it’s alright. Sometimes you need a slap in the face to remember.”

“Ha, yeah. Thanks Johnny. Oh . . . and sorry. I’d never slice your dick off.”

“I hope not.”

“JOHN! LOUIE! WHAT ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT? YOU GUYS HAVEN’T BEEN LISTENING AT ALL SINCE CLASS STARTED!”

“Oh, sorry Mr. Hawkins. Just telling my friend John that I wouldn’t cut his dick off.”

“Yeah Mr. Hawkins, that’s what he was doing.”

“ . . . Moving on, class.”

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