The Optics of Stilettos
Georgi Boorman
391

I’m a little surprised, and a lot disappointed, Georgi Boorman, that even a conservative pundit-lady such as you doesn’t get it. Heck, I’m not even a woman and I get it. I hate high heels, and I get it.

I’ve seen women all my life who show courage and defy hardship, by looking great no matter what. I’ve read stories of the ladies of the Red Army in frontline conditions, who took it upon themselves to fix their makeup and hair and straighten their uniforms when they thought their lives may be in immediate danger. Dying for the motherland was one thing, and they were willing, but to die and not be pretty? Unthinkable.

I’m as male a man’s man as you’ll ever find, the sort of fellow who more than once in life has lost patience with a lady for taking for-bloody-ever to get Herself ready for something I thought she’d be fine wearing blue jeans and tennies for. But guess who won those bouts, every-single-time?

You already know that one, don’t you, ma’am?

Women and their apparently visceral, cellular need to feel pretty, may be a thing no man will ever understand, but God help us if that staggeringly powerful bulwark of civilization ever collapses. If it ever stops being the case that we can finally get in the car and go when the ladies are lotioning their elbows, I fear the next breakdown in civic order will make Berserkeley look like preschool naptime.

Women, and their incalculable capacity to carry the ways and means of prettiness into any and every situation, are one of the most stabilizing and reassuring symbols of civilized conduct up and running and secure in its place that I can think of.

God bless Melania for having the raw courage, the instinctive feminine chutzpah, and the core self-respect, to get on and off that plane looking every bit like the astonishing beauty she is.

Was she supposed to get homely just to please a few vapid Trump-haters who would crucify her no matter what she did anyway? What she did instead, was show hope, steadiness and immeasurable personal strength the exact same way women have done through all of history:

By looking awesome, no matter what.

I say, well done Mrs FLOTUS, and if I could get me one of those hats even in hot pink I’d wear it proudly and think myself no less a man for according that sort of honor to this mighty and gracious lady.

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