Lady, I’ve met a lot of feminists, so I can tell you: one in maybe ten thousand has your stand-up self-respect and unhesistant capacity to earn an equal place and not just demand it. I recognized this trait in your writing right away, familiar to me from all the years I have spent among men who sympathized with feminism, while cautiously wondering among our male selves why it was that we men seemed to be still carrying the books for the ladies.
You remind me of those rare gals a guy can meet and within half an hour be bickering harmlessly like siblings with her, and make fun of her over being a girl just as mercilessly as she does over one’s maleness, all in good fun and no one offended. The company of an equal is immediately recognizable, in the plain fact that this equal status was not one that anyone had to hand to or grant or virtue-signal to the other.
A kind of equalness that is brought to every table, not the kind still insisting the chair be pulled out for it.
I’m glad I read this. I doubt we’d agree on everything, who does? But I doubt even more, that any disagreement would have a gal like you running off to her Bias Response Officer to have me hauled before a closed-door session where I am instructed on just how many ways I was already guilty from before any offense had ever been perceived.
Men like badass women. There is no fear of you, no “intimidated by a strong woman.” Strength in women, genuine, burden-shouldering strength, in a woman, is a relief to a man, not a threat. We recognize it, we respect it, we enjoy it. It means she isn’t a chickenshit grievance-junkie we had better guard our every word and gesture around. It means she can and does see to her own affairs, and not instead use the weapons and tactics of a coward like fake accusations to settle scores that never seem to be settled with a lot of women. It means she can give as good as she gets, and does.
It means she knows what an equal is, and not only how to be one, but how to recognize when anyone else is, and not based on their genitalia.
And, it means, to men, that by and large feminism as presented has been a failure, for women. That most of the gals calling themselves that, never got it. That we want them to be our equals in every respect and are waiting with open arms for them, and that they reject it in favor of being harnessed into a cowardly campaign to destroy us. Yes, we fear feminism, and no, not anything to do with any disrespect for women. We fear it because it has created an approach to womanhood that makes us a targeted foe, a permanent perpetrator class, and not women’s equals at all.
I expect you get that. I imagine you know full well that the term “feminist” is a loaded one, and not one well-received on every occasion.
I expect if we were to meet “IRL”, we’d argue over the term. We’d disagree. You’d give as good as you get, and allow me the same honor as given an equal.
And part as friends.